UNCANNY X-MEN #37-38: We, the Jury... / One Minute to Doomsday!

The X-Men are reunited with some old pals when they're put on trial for crimes against mutantkind!

Originally Published October-November 1967

As you no doubt recall from last week's issue, the X-Men have successfully acquired plane fare for their latest mission to Europe, where they must confront what we must assume to be the evil machinations of the mysterious and probably deadly Factor Three.

Not far from their destination, the plane is attacked by one of Factor Three's trademark egg-shaped aircraft, so the X-Men do the sensible thing and open the emergency hatch to the airplane and escape, drawing the attackers away and ultimately destroying them, and never mind about the innocent passengers on the plane that just lost cabin pressure.

This has the dual effect of sparing us a scene of the X-Men going through customs, and providing a deceng action setpiece of the X-Men falling endlessly through space. Like, you know they don't die on page 6, but the suspense is surprisingly effective, and I've really got to credit artist Ross Andru for visualizing this one, using angles and frames that highlight the plummeting effect.

Upon landing, the X-Men are immediately captured by Factor Three's footsoldiers, and placed in once of those handy glass dome prisons, which we haven't seen in a little while.

The X-Men learn that Factor Three's membership includes previous foes like The Blob and Unus (last seen taking the downtown train) Mastermind (last seen getting stoned with the Stranger) and the Vanisher (last seen having been lobotomized by Professor X.) The spokesman for Factor Three is Changeling, a sneering henchman with truly formidable headgear.

I think the purpose of this accessory is to read Professor X's mind for his memories of the X-Men in action, but he never removes it, and this is never addressed or alluded to, and frankly I prefer it that way.

Changeling announces that the X-Men are to be put on trial for crimes against their race, with the four villains both giving evidence and acting as jury (talk about Twelve Angry Men, am I right folks?) They each provide a handy flashback to times they got mopped up by the teen mutants, and are duly pronounced guilty of Mutant Treason (or Mutreason.) Sitting in judgment is Factor Three's #1 guy, the ominous, shadowy Mutant Master, who himself sports an impressive dome.

Before executing his enemies, however, Mr. Master does the honorable thing and tells us exactly what his plans are for world domination, and frankly, they're pretty ambitious.

Being that this is the height of Cold War Paranoia, MM's big scheme is to provoke the forces of the USSR and the USA into an all-out nuclear war, which only mutants will be able to survive. Specifically, he plans to blow up a meeting of Iron Curtain Officials with a suitcase bomb, and use knockout gas on the staff of an American missile base to launch their weapons at the enemy.

Elegant in its simplicity!

I actually like that he casually explains Factor Three's nomenclature by pointing out they represent the "Third Factor" between the USSR and America.

Rather than being summarily executed, the X-Men are hooked up to Factor Three's Oblivio-Ray™, which will sap them of their wills to live, AKA a cheap plot device to force the X-Men to escape so they can continue the fight next issue.

The X-Men escape with ease, and are confronted by -- anybody? Any guesses at all? That's right: A gat-danged robot.

Man, if anything ever signified "We have an extra page to fill in this issue," it's that. But whatever, fighting robots is the one thing the X-Men have displayed consistent talent in doing, so they dispatch it in a single page and the issue ends with a taunt from the Mutant Master about how it's too late anyway. To be continued... right now, through the miracle of X-Cerpts!

The X-Men escape the (exploding) base of Factor Three, stealing some of their nifty egg-shaped aircraft to get back to the Mansion. Changeling questions the wisdom that permitted the X-Kids to escape otherwise certain doom, and the Mutant Master, who is generally averse to having his wisdom questioned, responds in a distinctly unreceptive way.

I mean look, I say this from a place of love, but it feels like we can't get away from the "Megalomaniacal villains with untrustworthy underlings" angle. We can count Magneto, Count Nefaira, and Tyrannus all under that column already, and Factor Three already played that note when they brainwashed Banshee into joining up. It even happenee to the Sentinels, and they're robots!

So, like, if you're a villain intent on world domination, or city ransom, or whatever, take it from me: you owe it to yourself to get some real friends to help you. So get out there and start networking properly.

The X-Men split up: Cyclops and Iceman go to convince American authorities of Factor Three's plot, the others go to do the same behind the Iron Curtain. Frankly I don't know how a bunch of American teenagers trespassing while wearing skintight outfits is going to come off to the Soviet officials, but it's worth a shot.

 

When they arrive, Blob and the Vanisher are ready to tussle. And while they manage to handle their old foes (and some Factor Three jabronies to boot,) the Soviets capture the Mutants, as they are wont to do.

On that note, we are to be continued... again!