UNCANNY X-MEN #272: Capital Crimes (X-Tinction Agenda Part 7)

This edition of Uncanny X-Cerpts has been paid for by the Tourism Board of Genosha

Originally Published January 1991

We begin with biased American news coverage of the Mutant Crisis, as several uninformed Americans (and one Brazilian) give their takes about what should be done with the captured mutant terrorists known as the X-Men, who are due to stand trial.

The guy on the top left gets it

Back in the beautiful and free nation of Genosha, the captured villains are indeed standing trial. When the ringleader, Cyclops, protests that the Genoshan government can't do this because they are all American citizens, one of the court officials points out that not only is there no proof of any of their identities (due to Forge having introduced software that erases all traces of all of their existence) but also since they are on Genoshan soil they actually are subject to Genoshan laws.

Which is a good tip for all you travelers out there: do not commit crimes when visiting another country.

Cable is annoyed because he was trying to buy a houseboat and now his credit score is gone

The judge enters, accompanied by Mutate #20, which was allegedly once known as the X-Man Storm. This causes the terrorist known as Wolverine to lash out at the court...

...only to be subdued by Mutate #20's powers, and by the quick actions of the valiant Chief Magistrate Anderson.

Anderson informs the prisoners of their options -- they can go to trial, which will absolutely be a free and fair hearing, but undoubtedly end in their executions, or they can surrender now and willingly subject themselves to the process to turn them into Mutates.

I know which choice I'd make -- being given a chance to serve the great and glorious nation of Genosha and its people? Sign me up!

Unfortunately, the hardened criminals don't see it that way and elect for the trial. Given the volatile nature of the plaintiffs (they are mutants after all) the Judge orders them remanded into the custody of Cameron Hodge for the duration of the trial. Hodge may be an American outsider, but at least he's human and he seems to have a certain respect for the Genoshan way of life. He's been in Genosha for a while, seen the beautiful countryside, the picturesque beaches of Hammer Bay, and enjoyed the local cuisine by eating at one of several Michelin-starred restaurants on the island.

As Hodge crows over his "new toys," those unscrupulous mutants once again break free -- first Cable, then the one called Gambit, who sexually harasses a magistrate for good measure.

Cable manages to grab a gun, but quick-thinking Hodge pulls Psylocke in front of himself as a (specifically-not)-human shield. 

After that outburst, Hodge removes Cable's bionic arm and eye to ensure he causes no further trouble. Psylocke, shocked by all of this, willingly agrees to subject herself to the genemod process and become a mutate. Hodge wants to "interrogate" (wink wink) her a little more to be sure she's on the level, but Magistrate Summers vouches for her. I think it's clear she's seen the light, and she can look forward to a productive career putting her genetic talents to good use as a garbage collector or a ditch-digger.

While Hodge taunts Archangel for the body mods that Apocalypse inflicted upon him, Beast reminisces about a previous time when all the X-Men were tied up like this -- way way back in Magneto's Antarctic volcano base, remember that? They were all mentally regressed to children. It was Storm who got them out of it then, but she'll be no help as she is being put to good use as a mutate, as has their compatriot, the one formerly known as Wolfsbane.

No, there's no help in sight, but there are worse fates than getting to spend the rest of your life as part of Genoshan society, even in the role of a mutate. You get the honor of knowing you are helping to propagate a nation that is on the cutting edge of science, technology as well as peace, justice and equality. There is no racism amongst the white people of Genosha!

Hodge, as is his right as a duly-appointed ally of Genosha, puts Archangel and Wolverine in a gladiatorial pit, where Warren's wings act out his pre-existing enmity toward Logan.

Elsewhere, we see invading terrorist Jubilee helping the escaped prisoners Boom Boom and Rictor, freeing Boom Boom from her skinsuit by using her pyrotechnic powers. 

She is about to do the same for Rictor (no doubt excited to see him disrobed due to her lax American morals) when they spot the Genegineer in the distance, placing a mysterious call to Magistrate Anderson. Sensing something is afoot, they follow. Perhaps their time would be better spent learning about their surroundings, like visiting the historic Hammer Bay Smelting Plant, or the Genoshan Museum of Atrocities (Committed by Mutants.)

Back at the Citadel, Hodge impersonates Genegineer on a video call to Wipeout, using deepfake, and summons him to Moreau's office.

Elsewhere, the terrorist identified as Psylocke attacks her escorts, noting that while she does not resemble the version of herself they have on record, she feels much more like the woman she always wanted to be.

After planting several lucky shots on the otherwise well-trained and competent Magistrates, and escapes she manages to escape into an air duct with one of their weapons, like a character from one of those cheap American movies. Which reminds me, have you got your tickets for the 13th annual Genoshan Film Festival? This year's selections include "From Hammer Bay With Love," "The Genemodfather" and "Driving Miss Magistrate."

Hodge goes to the Genegineer's office and hacks into his computer (this is why you need dual-factor security, people!) and finds that the Genegineer is organizing a plot against Hodge! But Hodge has plans of his own, involving Mutate 490 (formerly known as mutant terrorist Wolfsbane) and Wipeout.

Now unsupervised, the captured X-Men enact a fiendish escape attempt...

...using Gambit's admittedly impressive yoga skills.

That's a lot of core strength

Up in the office, Magistrate Summers discovers the dead body of Wipeout. He's about to call for help when Mutate 490 (formerly Wolfsbane, if anybody cares about that) sees him and calls for backup -- naming him them murderer!

Who's Havok? That's Magistrate Summers

I'm beginning to think I was mistaken when I thought Cameron Hodge was trustworthy!

Nearby, Anderson leads some Magistrates through the corridors of the Citadel, along with Mutate 20. Unfortunately, the always-silent and stealthy (thanks to the benefits of Genoshan technology and crafstmen who designed his body, no doubt) Cameron Hodge gets the drop on them.

As Hodge prepares to kill Anderson and 20, Psylocke emerges from hiding and opens fire -- she knows she can't kill Hodge but can make him pull back to protect his mechanical components. She also explicitly calls him a Nazi, and why -- just because he has dedicated his life to the extermination of an entire group of people? Is that all it takes to be a Nazi now?

Benevolently, Magistrate Anderson offers Psylocke help restoring her powers if she helps save Anderson's life -- undoubtedly a clever ploy from Anderson who knows that the subjugation of the mutant menace should be paramount above all -- and gallingly, that no-good mutant actually considers not helping the Chief Magistrate!

The X-Men interrupt Wolverine and Archangel's brawl and Jean convinces Warren to fold his wings, to dig down to the man inside and assert control over them to stop the fighting. She has also has a tender moment with Wolverine, which no doubt will rankle Cyclops into doing something foolish, as planned.

This moment is interrupted when Anderson and Magistrate 20 arrive. Anderson identifies Cyclops as 20's first target, and she defeats him with ease, but then something very strange happens...

If it went that badly when Cyclops had powers and Storm didn't, just think how little chance Scott has now!

After a re-invigorating glow, suddenly Mutate 20 is standing tall -- her body aged beyond its adolescent appearance, and claiming to once again be... Storm??!

Hodge arrives, but before he can put those terrorists back in custody, he feels the heat completely temperature-neutral force[1] of Cyclops' optic blast!

Pictured: Room-temperature pain

The idea that the Magistrates would team up with the hated mutants to take down the larger threat of Hodge shows the national character of the Genoshan people: compassionate, caring and forgiving. Truly admirable!

Of course, thanks to his resilient robot body and literal deal with a demon, Commander Hodge is a hard man to keep down, and so...

Further Thoughts:

Phew, okay guys I think we're clear now, the Genoshan Government didn't pay for the Further Thoughts section.

X-Tinction Agenda finally approaches endgame as nearly all of the mutant heroes, save for Jubilee, Boom Boom and Rictor, are in one place. The Genegineer seems to have coded a version of Wipeout's powers into Mutate 20/Storm just in case Wipeout got killed in all of this backstabbing and plotting, which also resulted in Storm re-aging back to adulthood so we can all stop being weirded out when artists forget she's not supposed to have fully gone through puberty yet. Does it make sense? Perhaps not, but it's getting us to some semblance of a conclusion so I'm happy to roll with it.

X-Tinction Agenda is an interesting event story because it actually does involve a lot of minor plot points as characters go from here to there, discover this and that part of the plot, strike, defend, et cetera, even if in practice it just seems like the plot is running on tiny filler moments to pad it out to 9 whopping parts. I also do chirp it, deservedly, for the convenience of Hodge always being exactly where he needs to be, often popping out from around a corner to completely surprise his target, despite the fact that he has a giant mechanical body, but sigh, all this complaining is getting me nowhere against comics that were published more than 30 years ago. Likewise, there has been a repetitive sameness to some of the action beats as the X-Men attack, get taken prisoner, send backup, get taken prisoner, escape again, run into Hodge, and so forth, but realistically you've got to fill these comics with something. 

It doesn't have to be the most tightly-plotted story ever to work, and I can see there being some anticipation weeks after week for this story as it unfolds as an ambitiously-sized story, but that said, seven straight instalments of Cameron Hodge smacking everyone down is starting to get a tad tiring and I am ready to wrap this up and be done. Two more parts... two!!