UNCANNY X-MEN #337: Know Thy Enemy

The Morning After

Originally Published October 1996

We begin with some words of Wolvie wisdom.

The ole Canucklehead is trying to put things into perspective for Charles, who is somewhat down in the mouth about how his psychic powers spawned a rampaging id monster called Onslaught that wanted to subjugate, and then destroy, everyone on the planet, and did result in the apparent deaths of most of the world's superheroes. It's been a rough week.

Logan points out that Charles has changed far too many lives for the better to get too frazzled by one little slip-up. Wolverine also knows something about tangling with the beast within, but Charles points out that their struggles are on somewhat different scales, so maybe it's not worth discussing.

Meanwhile Bastion...

...is bastioning I guess, overseeing a PR event held by candidate hatemonger Graydon Creed, who is looking to turn this tragedy to his advantage. And to give him credit over modern-day politicians, at least this controversy is not completely made up.

Watching on from the office of the Daily Bugle, J. Jonah Jameson gets dollar signs in his eyes -- as we all know, hate is good for business.

That said, ever the newspaperman, Jonah is intrigued by the personal tone of Creed's screeds, and resolves to dig a little deeper.

Back at the mansion, we get a rare and welcome glimpse of Cyclops' human side. Scott had woken up to a different world, one in which his wife, not his father figure mentor guy, is the most powerful psychic mind on the planet, and where heroes like Captain America are missing from the world and gone to one where they have huge tits. As he changes out his overnight goggles for his regular shades (a really thoughtful touch), he thinks over some things that have not changed.

His wife still loves him, the world still wants to kill him and -- well, he's interrupted from his thoughts by the return of an old friend.

Yes, the Beast is back. With Onslaught having been defeated, Dark Beast I dunno, evaporated into thin air or something, it was a busy day, I can't keep track of everything. And now regular Beast is back, and stuck in the tub thanks to Cyclops, giving Joe Madureira a chance to demonstrate his ability to do visual comedy.

No sooner is Hank liberated from the tub than the two original X-Men slip back in by way of a patch of ice thanks to some classic, old-school -- by which I mean dreadfully unfunny -- "comedy" from their original class clown, Iceman. 

Scott retaliates in kind.

Downstairs, Jean heads the commotion and chuckles to herself, "those boys of mine," while nakedly making eggs.

It's not all lighthearted tubthumping though, as she's with Quicksilver, who is effectively a widower and single dad now thanks to Onslaught.

Speaking of moody people, Psylocke arrives -- in uniform -- to inform the group that Warren is under the weather and won't be joining.

Elsewhere, the enigmatic Bastion arrives at his secret base to check up on the Sentinels that his team recovered from the battle, abusing an underling who is either a shapeshifter or uses a hologram to mimic Bastion's own appearance in a weird moment I don't fully understand.

Back at the mansion, Chuck and Logan continue to talk. As bad as Charles is feeling, Wolverine reminds him that he fancied himself a loner once, but came to see the value of the X-Men as a support system, and it would be foolish of Xavier not to do the same.

In the kitchen, the mutants assemble for a little breakfast, as weary as they are. Gambit wonders where Rogue and Mag-Joseph are (answer: off doing their own thing.) Cannonball, meanwhile, didn't feel like dining with the group in case Magneto was there, in keeping with his complete lack of presence since joining the team, and Storm... well, nobody asks about her, and it's possible Scott Lobdell has completely forgotten she exists.

Their reverie is briefly interrupted by the arrival of shirtless and wet Wolverine, who informs them that, unsurprisingly, Charles will not be joining either. But you know what? At least they have each other.

Further Thoughts:

As messy and questionable as Onslaught was, it may all be worth it for moments like this. Scott Lobdell has mastered the "cooldown" issue after the big crossover, to the point where, paradoxically, they seem to be the best ones he does. He gets a chance to pull back the pace and really spend some time with the characters. I think that's an underrated skill that he has, to always find the humanity in the mutants. Sure, most of them are real quippy and glib, but in the moments that count -- like Cyclops moping to himself or bantering with Beast -- the issue really shines.

I heard William Howard Taft got out the same way

I particularly liked the conversation between Wolverine and Charles. That's an underrated relationship. Charles isn't Logan's mentor, even leaving behind the fact that Wolverine is much older than the Professor. However they rarely get a chance to speak like contemporaries and for Wolverine to share his wisdom from a life lived hard.

Not every issue can be like this and it won't be long before the X-Men are charging headlong into danger once again, but man, it's so satisfying to just let a moment breathe.