UNCANNY X-MEN #170: Dancin' in the Dark

It's Storm vs. Callisto: the Showdown in the Sewers!

Originally Published June 1983

We begin in the frigid climes of Reindeer Falls, Alaska.

As described here, Cyclops has been hanging around for weeks flying cargo runs with Madelyne Pryor, a pilot working for his grandparents and, (so we are informed) a dead ringer for the late, lamented Jean Grey.

Through this time together they have found themselves falling for one another - despite Scott's trepidations about her physical appearance.

For all Scott's uptightness when leading the X-Men, Chris Claremont has always been weirdly good at making him charming and appealing outside office hours, so that when he and Madelyne are making googly eyes at each other (beneath ruby quartz lenses) you can totally buy into it.

That said, as things start to accelerate, Scott finds himself calling things to a halt for a moment's brood. Madelyne apologizes for putting too much pressure on, and Scott opens up.

For a moment, it looks like there's nothing that can be said. Finally, Madelyne returns to ask whether Scott likes her for who she is, or who she looks like. Scott admits he doesn't know but - that ole smoothie - says he'd like to find out.

From there we transition to a rather different romance, as Callisto is preparing to wed the drugged up and absolutely not capable of giving consent Angel, as the X-Men watch on, seemingly helplessly.

Of course, this doesn't stop them from trying, being that they are the heroes of this piece:

While Colossus clocks Sunder, Nightcrawler takes Callisto on a wild ride to take her of the ballgame:

With Callisto nearly dead at Nightcrawler's hands, the Morlocks consider letting their captives free. Unfortunately, as the X-Men are close to finalizing a deal for their release, they lose a bit of leverage as the one called Plague infects Storm with her deadly virus.

The coronavirus jokes write themselves, folks!

So the Morlocks tie the X-Men up again, this time with "polymer cables even Sunder couldn't break," and acknowledging that, with his friends hopelessly captive, Nightcrawler, who otherwise is impervious to being shackled, won't be going anywhere.

Callisto chides Nightcrawler for not letting Storm die and taking the W. He asks her why is she like this, and Callisto explains that she and the Morlocks are the mutants who fall through the cracks - the hunted, the despised. And honestly, as I've said before, based on sheer numbers, seemingly the majority.

Elsewhere in the tunnels, Kitty awakens to find herself being tended by Caliban. The Young X-Man is on death's door thanks to Plague, but her thoughts are with the X-Men - is there anything the Cali-man can do to help her friends?

Maybe, he says, but if he did, she would leave and never return (and it would be hard to blame her given she is being held against her will in a decrepit sewer apartment.) True love, as we all know, is holding as tightly as possible to someone and never giving them a chance to leave you.

Kitty, however, swears - insistently - that she will stay. However, as Cal drafts his pros and cons list of confronting Callisto, Kitty collapses again.

Elsewhere, in ~dreamland~, Mystique is tortured with visions of a familiar face, in a time and place that are familiar to us, as readers.

Yes, Mystique is having visions of the very Harlequin setting that Mastermind used to tempt Jean Grey over to darkness. Somehow, she is being toyed with. Between this, and the White Queen being incapacitated in the previous issue, as well as the appearance of Madelyne Pryor, it seems like somebody wants us to be thinking about the Dark Phoenix Saga. (As if we ever stopped.)

For what it's worth, I'm not sure why this connection, since Mystique never entered our lives until just after that whole affair. But, well, whatever.

As "Lady Jean" slashes a knife across Mystique's throat, she awakens.

She finds that the ankle she rolled in the dream hurts in real life, meaning this was no harmless vision. She goes downstairs to find Destiny, her teammate and, ahem, longtime companion, brewing coffee in anticipation of Mystique's troubles (she sees the future, remember.)

They speculate on who could be responsible - like Sebastian Shaw, they consider Charles Xavier, but Destiny suspects that whatever this is, is beyond even Xavier's abilities (giving someone nightmares? Hm.)

As they talk, Destiny gets a push notification from the future - Rogue, their surrogate daughter, is in danger! Mystique rushes to her room, but she's too late, Rogue is already gone (we soon learn, of her own volition.)

So to recap, Destiny is great at knowing when to make coffee, but not at knowing when people in her immediate care are in trouble. Perhaps she should quit being a supervillain and just go manage a Starbucks.

Back in the sewers, the X-Men are tied up and forced to watch the twisted, definitely-not-legally-binding wedding between Callisto and Angel. Callisto sets them to the mercy of the Morlock called Masque, whose ability is to reshape other peoples' features like so much Nickelodeon slime.

Out of appreciation for what Nightcrawler must have gone through looking like a demon monkey all his life, Callisto offers him a chance to join their group, only to be rebuffed by the ole "I've fought my whole life to be accepted for the content of my character, not my external appearance" shtick.

As they are about to get into an Exchange Of Ideas, Caliban shows up with Kitty in his arms, desperate for any kind of assistance. The Morlocks have healers to knit wounds, but nobody to cure the sickness. Kitty's only hope is to get to a doctor topside, and Callisto isn't letting that happen.

Caliban reveals that, as ruler of the Morlocks, what Callisto says goes, but there is a way around it - to challenge her to a duel for leadership of the Morlocks. Oh, and the duel is to the death. Couldn't be more simple!

Kurt issues a challenge, but Storm - tied up, barely conscious and running a heavy fever, interjects and lays the challenge herself as leader of the X-Men.

As badass as this all is, you've got to admit that Storm is distinctly handicapped in a fight to the death, being that she has repeatedly sworn never to take a life and all. Still, Callisto, sizing up her opponent, accepts the challenge. Laying out only one rule - no mutant weather powers - she tosses Storm a weapon.

Chills.

The narration vaguely illuminates that Callisto's powers give her enhanced fighting abilities "on par with Wolverine's" without getting too specific. What follows is a tense duel...

But a brief one.

Using her cloak to tie Callisto up (ain't no rule...) she stabs her through the heart and wins the duel.

Ice cold.

Storm unties Angel and announces that the X-Men will be leaving. She offers all the Morlocks sanctuary at Xavier's (I'm sure he'll be fine with that...) but Caliban says that this is where the Morlocks belong. He does, however, express hope for peaceful co-existence between the Morlocks and X-Men.

I suppose she's in no position to say so but Kitty declines to mention having promised to stay forever if Caliban would help.

Also don't you just love how Angel absolutely does not say or do anything in this entire affair, having been beaten or drugged into obliviousness. Instead of even hinting he was capable of defending himself, he is basically a living prop to be rescued, a gentleman in distress. It looks good on him, as always.

Back in Alaska, Madelyne and Scott awaken on the couch of the ski lodge, having spent the whole night canoodling. When the sun bursts through the chalet's window, she reaches for his ruby quartz sunglasses, and instinctively, he swats her hand away quite violently.

Naturally, Madelyne is perturbed by this outsized reaction, and demands to know just wtf is up with those stupid shades Scott is wearing all the time that could possibly justify hitting her??!?

After a moment's contemplation, provides a demo...

He explains, as we already know, that his eyes contain a powerful blast of force that is uncontrollable and can only be held back by his eyelids or the specially-designed ruby quartz lenses he wears. That as a mutant he dares not reveal this to just anyone he meets, and that he lives in constant fear of losing control.

Having revealed his biggest secret to her, she is moved enough to ask him to stay, and all is well.

Further Thoughts:

Could this be my very favourite issue of Uncanny X-Men - or any comic - ever?

I don't know. Maybe. I've read a lot of comics, but I'd be hard pressed to find one that has stuck with me through my life more than this one. I also don't love talking in superlatives. It's a very, very, very good comic. Even the title is amazing.

The Storm-Callisto duel is one of those incredible things. Callisto is not, by any means, a world-conquering master villain, but the stakes of this fight are very real and very personal. She is a person hardened by life who rules her domain and has backed the X-Men deeply into a corner, provoking this "Gotta do what you gotta do" moment of Storm, the X-Man who holds life the most sacred, to accept a duel to the death. And, in a shocking moment that resonates because of everything we've read about the character in 70+ issues, she really does it.

I mean... sort of.

After all, she had just heard that the Morlocks do have healers among them, and indeed we learn soon after that Callisto will not die, so we have an out where a fatal wound can not be fatal but still be a victory. But getting to Storm plunging a knife into her enemy's heart, even knowing the character does not die, is still a big change for the character.

But hey, Storm has had a rough year. She was turned into a living statue by Dr. Doom, had her body co-opted by he White Queen, was implanted with a Brood Egg that threatened to transform her into a bloodthirsty monster, and later became one with a cosmic space whale. Our girl has seen some real changes, and we can only hear "I have sworn never to take a life" so many times before the pressure gets to her and she cracks, preferably against someone who deserves, it, and who comes at her with a knife saying "It's you or me, Wind-Rider."

Not a jury in the world would convict. And I like Callisto.

Of course, it's not just the set-up. All throughout the issue, the actions are paced just perfectly to emphasize small moments and nuances that sometimes get lost in the comic medium. The details of the fight are spare, but exact. My only quibble would be that panel where Callisto gives an "Oh damn" look when Storm catches the knife. It's a little too drastic for someone who thinks she has control of the situation. If I were writing or drawing it, I would have made the expression a little colder and harder to read, unimpressed and unflappable, so that Callisto is really surprised when she learns of Storm's mettle.

But hey, if I had been the one writing or drawing this, overall it really would not have been so good. (This is why I often say that as much as I love writing, my best possible job in comics would probably be as an Editor. I love helping people shape their ideas as much as I love producing my own, and I'm probably better at it. Call me, Marvel.)

The other big thing that goes on in this issue is the Cyclops-Madelyne romance. Considering we have only seen her briefly, once, to remark on her visual similarity to Jean Grey, this jumps ahead quite suddenly. The writing and drawing here is extremely on point to bring us to where Cyclops and Madelyne are in their romance, and because of that judicious application of detail, we the reader are right there with them. The flirtation is great, and the notes of melancholy and doubt are perfect. As I've said before, Chris Claremont is able to let Cyclops be really charming when he wants to be, and to the surprise of all, Madelyne immediately comes across as a character with a beating heart and a soul of her own - which again, I chalk up to both the dialogue and the humanity of Paul Smith's renderings.

So I don't know about you, but I am absolutely on board with this Pry-clops ship after only one "date." To say nothing about those tantalizing teases that there really is more to Madelyne than meets the eye...