It's Kitty's Wedding Day! Wait... what??!?
Originally Published March 1984
We begin without anything old, new or blue, but definitely something borrowed, or at least kidnapped.
Yes, although last month's issue ended with a depiction of Kitty seemingly having fallen to her grisly death from atop the Baxter Building, we already knew that was the doing of Masque, who modified the appearance of a dead runaway to look like Kitty, who has actually been kidnapped by the Morlocks and drugged into a state of delirium while they walk her down the makeshift aisle.
Undoubtedly, this is all to fool the X-Men, who will never suspect the shenanigans afoot, allowing them to keep Kitty permanently without anyone coming to look for her.
Oh, well that took about a minute.
As the book explains, the Morlocks never did meet Wolverine - he was off in Japan planning his own wedding while the X-Men were tangling with the sewer-dwellers. And as we well know, Wolverine's animalistic senses are disconcertingly familiar with the specific scent of this particular preteen girl. So when Logan, Storm and Rogue go to identify the body, they determine not only the ruse, but through a bit of deduction, who exactly is responsible.
Back in the Morlocks' "Alley" Kitty is walking - well, propped up and guided - to the altar, laboring under some drug-induced delusion that she is about to marry a handsome fairy tale prince and not a ghoulish alabaster miscreant, but comes to at a distinctly inopportune moment.
Kitty resists, although restrained and for some reason unable to use her power to phase and escape. She protests that Storm is the Morlocks' leader and made them promise to stop kidnapping and preying on surface-folk. Callisto, cunning linguist that she is, informs Kitty they have broken no rules - they were simply retrieving one of their own to make her hold to her word. After all, didn't she promise Caliban she would stay forever if he helped, and didn't he do so, at great risk to his own personal safety? They only aim to keep Kitty to her promises.
Callisto, of course, delights in Kitty's revulsion with the scenario.
Kitty pleads, saying that Colossus is dying or near death, and he had the only means of saving him - won't they let her go just to do that, if she promises to come right back?
Naturally, Kitty's word means nothing to Callisto at this point and her request fir a day pass is denied. Kitty runs, and nobody chases after her, which she surmises is because they don't need to - the tunnels are a maze and she'll never find her way out.
Kitty collapses in a puddle of sewer water and comes to the realization that keeping her word may mean more than her freedom, because it would mean she was being true to herself, which is what she perceives Storm as not doing and that is apparently the worst thing ever.
Now again, we know that this is an agreement Kitty entered into under extreme duress, but Kitty is still young enough to believe in her heart that she should honour her word no matter what.
As Kitty contemplates her fate, and sense of identity, she encounters an enigmatic childlike Morlock, who brings her back to the wedding.
Resigned, Kitty agrees, again, to go through with the ceremony, pleading only that if it is within the Morlocks' power to help Colossus that they do so. Callisto agrees, informing the young mutant that they look after each other down here. (I love villain clans with a code of ethics.) With that, she is whisked away so that Masque can work on her appearance in the standard makeover montage.
When Ktity protests that she is not a doll to be toyed with, Masque takes offense and mangles her until her face is just a collection of bulging cysts or growths or whatever and she can't even breathe, only reverting her at Callisto's request. Back at the altar, Callisto delivers the service (who knew she was ordained?) giving a delightfully blunt speech saying "I sure didn't think she had it in her." Somehow she musters the strength to resist following that up with an off-colour remark about what else she might have in her - the girl is still only 14 after all.
Naturally, Callisto gets to the part about whether anybody has any objections, which is good because the X-Men were just standing around in the back waiting for that bit.
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| I had the officiant leave that out of my wedding specifically to prevent this. |
The requisite fight occurs, and we learn that Leech, the creepy-cute gremlin kid Morlock, has the ability to make mutants lose their powers. Rogue is not ready for this...
But Storm, powers or no, is ready for another go-round with Callisto, who wants her job and/or vest back.
Wolverine, too, is ready to slice and dice and make curly fries out of the host of Morlocks - being that his claws are seemingly not a product of his mutant power but manmade - but Kitty stops him, claiming she does not want to be rescued, what with the honor pact she has once again entered into with her
So, the team returns to the surface with the mysterious Morlock Healer. Using Rogue's abilities they drain Colossus' powers so that he reverts to human form, and the healer's touch quickly seals up the would-be fatal wounds he has from (checks notes) being brought to absolute zero and fracturing all over. Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.
Cal realizes that his love of Kitty has made him a little irrational (you think?) and that he cannot bear to see her unhappy, even if it means losing her. So he invites her to leave and do whatever makes her most happy. Guess he just got a copy of that Sting tape.
With hope in his big, lidless owl eyes, Caliban suggests that maybe one day, she may return to him, or he may find the courage to live in the sunlight so they can be together. Kitty very diplomatically says no thanks.
They part as friends, which is good enough for Caliban (he hasn't got many) and he leaves her with a keepsake, and a hope that she will think of him fondly. And who wouldn't? Love that guy.
Further Thoughts:
Well, they sure did it. They took a story about a creepy-looking child-abductor who wanted to make a beloved heroine into his bride, and managed to pull my headstrings by the end, I don't know about you. It's all about context. Caliban is not a malicious person at all, he just doesn't understand things, is blinded by his fixation on Kitty, and is manipulated by Callisto into weaponizing that against the X-Men. As I've said from his first introduction, Caliban is a shockingly strong figure to have in the X-Men's world, one of pathos and pity who is neither inherently good nor bad. And to me, this all beats the shit out of Phantom of the Opera.
Although the Morlocks are mostly just a homogenous mass of raggedly-dressed weirdos with a few notable names, I always feel like great care is taken to emphasize that there is a culture there, a societal structure, an identity. That comes out when Callisto discusses them looking after their own, but also in specific cases like Masque, who has a serious hang-up about his own grotesque appearance (oh hello, that's why they're called "grotes"!) the only one he cannot change. Similarly, although Leech's character isn't well defined, there is so much specificity there he feels like a very singular character to encounter.
But the one I'm really curious about is the Morlock Healer. He was an off-screen character in the previous Morlock story, but now here he is in the flesh to seal up this shaggy dog tale about Colossus' death. We get to know so tantalizingly little about this guy, and everything we do see leaves me wanting more. What is his name? What does he think about all of this? Why does he look like a wizard?? These are questions we will never get the answers to, I suspect, much like Kitty seeing a horde of red glowing eyes in the darkness and wondering what other monsters might live in the sewers.
There were a couple of interesting narrative tricks going on here that I think are worth noting. One is the pivoting to the X-Men vs. Morlocks storyline from within the X-Men vs. Brotherhood battle that had been going on earlier - throwing multiple antagonists at the X-Men in cascading order shows how full and chaotic their lives can be. The other is that although briefly this issue briefly features a fight between the X-Men and Morlocks - most especially a Callisto-Storm rematch - the action is largely perfunctory and the real conflict is mostly resolved by other nonviolent means - first by Kitty arranging deals, then by ultimately Caliban realizing the fallacy of his love for Kitty. While this is not necessarily a new trick, it is very much a welcome hallmark of the X-Men when it applies.
We are also given little bit of insight into Illyana's psyche, as she alludes to what, exactly she saw in Belasco's realm during her imprisonment there, noting when she regards Piotr's near death state that she and death are "old friends" (a fun thing for a 13-year-old to think) and that in Belascoverse, she killed some of those closest to her herself. An editorial note informs us that we can learn all about that in the Magik miniseries, and I invite you to do so, but I won't be covering it here.
There's also another incident of Xavier experiencing psychic interference, which was not the same as the blocker placed on him by Mystique last issue. Perhaps it is some kind of Secret Warning of things to come. I'm sure whatever happens will be Beyond belief.
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