X-MEN ANNUAL #9: There's No Place Like Home

The X-Men and New Mutants must join forces in Asgard to rescue Storm from Loki! But does she want to go?

Originally Published 1985

We begin at the Xavier school one dark and dreary night as Kitty is having some intense night-terrors. 

The rest of the X-Men rush to her aid amd Rachel determimes that she is being contacted psychically by Illyana, who is implanting her with strange visions...

What they don't know - but you might if you read New Mutants Special #1, is that Storm and the New Mutants were recently kidnapped to Asgard, where Loki had developed something of a crush on our favourite wind-rider, scooped her up along with the X-Men's junior squad (with whom she was vacationing in Greece - favourite spot of all Claremontian characters) and sent the kids scattered to the various realms of the Norse-verse.

The X-Men resolve to travel to Asgard using Arkon's magic teleportation lightning bolts, which... sure.

Before leaving, Scott has a tender moment with Madelyne, his pregnant wife, asking her to pass a message along to Xavier.

I've seen teens on TLC's Unexpected who seemed more ready to be fathers than Scott here.

As they prepare to head out, Rachel arrives in her new couture:

The whole crew is gobsmacked, with Cyclops particularly taking exception to the stylized bird motif referencing Phoenix - Scott's dead ex-lover who became too powerful and too tempted to unleash her dark side and thus sacrificed herself rather than risk destroying more planets. To Scott, who has all the facial recognition ability of a turnip, it seems like a very out-of-place costume choice.

What he doesn't know - but we do, and all the other X-Men do, but for some reason nobody has had any time to tell Scott, who has been hanging around for weeks - is that Rachel is the daughter of a version of Scott from an alternate future world where Jean had lived, and this is her tribute to her mother. Maybe if he was clued into that fact, it wouldn't seem so inappropriate and they would have a lot to discuss.

But of course, it's not their place to say, so off they go.

Oh, stop being dramatic, you know nothing could ever come between you two

Once in Asgard, the X-Men happen upon a "Wolf Prince" who is being hunted by Trolls. They rescue him and stop his soul from being collected by Hela, the dark mistress of Hel. Hela collects the trolls' souls (undoubtedly extracting quite a troll toll to get in) and warns "Starsoul Firehair" (her fun nickname for Rachel) that she is, in truth, much like her mother, who delivered many souls to Hela.

Ray takes it personally. Cyclops has no follow-up questions.

Elsewhere in the Golden Realm, some of the New Mutants - Dani Moonstar, Wolfsbane, Illyana, new recruit Doug (Kitty's friend from dance class) and Xi'an Coy Manh (not dead, but until recently possessed by Xavier's old foe Amahl Farouk the Shadow King) - use Warlock (the laffy-taffy shapechanging alien robot) in the form of a robot bird to try to pinpoint Storm's whererabouts in Asgard. Dani chides him for getting distracted following a falcon, but what she doesn't know - but we do, and it's unclear if Warlock does - is that Storm is actually in the form of that falcon.

Doug - whose power is to know languages rather than shoot psychic blasts out of his face or turn into rocks or whatever - is dismayed to find that he actually has a purpose on this mission, translating ancient Asgardian magical texts for Illyana's usage. He would rather be out with his friend Warlock, where he would probably be killed easily. Illyana calls him a dumb baby.

The New Mutants, since being in Asgard, have undergone a variety of transformations and experiences. Illyana's Darkchylde inner self was twisted into the service of Enchantress (Loki's go-to sorceress) while her real self was chained up in a basement, forced to feel every ounce of pain inflicted on the Darkchylde but never die. Rahne met and fell in love with the Wolf Prince. Dani met a winged steed, and Xi'an lost 800 lbs that she had gained while being possessed by Farouk, wandering through the desert, coming out of it slender, toned, model-perfect and pleasing to the male gaze, like all female characters must be.

I mean, I love Arthur Adams' art, and he does draw very attractive women, but that's not really a plot point I enjoy.

The New Mutants did manage to overcome the Enchantress, imprisoming her in Illyana's Limbo, but remain in Asgard for now.

Back to Storm, whose transmogrification into a falcon is Loki's way of romancing her, giving her back her taste for the skies. She is becoming very taken with Asgard, and looks forward to retiring there soon.

Of course, Loki being Loki this is all part of some nefarious scheme, done nefariously.

As described, it does not exactly sound like it is fully of Storm's "free will" but it does indeed take advantage of her "yearnings" and the hole inside of her where her weather abilities and place amongst the X-Men once were. Whether or not magic or brainwashing is involved, it does not make Loki a good dude.

Elsewhere, the X-Men get the skinny from Wolf Prince, about how Odin is currently dead (he dies more often than Xavier) and Thor is out of town, so all the various creatures of the various realms are doing as they please and it seems like the throne of Asgard is up for grabs. The X-Men mount a mission into the Asgard City Centre, dressing inconspicuously.

Dani goes to collect her fellow New Mutants Warlock - who flips out at the sight of her and runs - and Sunspot, who is enjoying a celebrity moment, having completed numerous impressive feats since being in Asgard. He goes along, and notes that everyone who looks at Dani now flees in terror for some unexplained reason.

The Wolf Prince leads some of the X-Men to the den of the Enchantress to free the New Mutants captive there, except they're not captive, and busy trying to find Storm. Unfortuately the reunion is short-lived as Loki busts in an grabs the lot of them.

All looks lost for this particular group of mutant heroes as Loki enchants the Wolf Prince and Rahne into being his hunters with a pair of magic collars no mortal power can break. 

He also gives them cool evil names

On the other side of town, Kitty, Rachel and Wolverine link up with Cannonball and Magma, who have just arrived after helping some dwarves forge a new hammer for Loki to give Storm, which Magma is charged with hand-delivering to the God of Lies. Along the way they also whipped up some new armor for Cannonball and a sword that can cut anything except for the living. During her time here in Asgard, Magma also became a fairy who will die if she returns to earth, FYI.

It's been a day.

They are also joined by Dani and Sunspot, who openly wonders if it would even be worth it to go back to Earth after having such a wonderful time in Asgard. 

When they see Wolverine, Dani sees a mysterious specter of death looming over Wolverine.

When Grimfang and Bleakhart attack, Sam's "only cut inanimate objects, not living things" sword comes in handy as he is able to slice off Rahne's collar and free her and her boyfriend the Wolf Prince from the short-lived spell.

Chekhov's highly specific sword

The heroes amass at Loki's big unveiling celebration for his new bride-slash-goddess of thunder. Wolverine catches Sunspot smirking cockily at the veryvnotion they could be in danger, and tries to set him straight about how this isn't playtime, earning a "You're not my dad" for his trouble.

Rachel uses the oldest trick in the X-Men's playbook to stop Loki from crowning Storm and prevent Amara from completing her task and anointing Ororo the one true deity of the weather.

Works every time.

Loki summons some Rock Trolls, which scandalizes the Asgardians present -- what kind of leader would disrupt official proceedings by inciting a riot from pro-fascist trolls intent on killing everyone inside? The mind boggles. 

47% of Asgardians still voted for him.

In the fracas, Loki manages to get Storm to take up the hammer and the mantle of Goddess.

Wolverine approaches, begging his friend and teammate to snap out of it, but she believes he is a false-faced deceiver and trains her weapon on him to try to strip away his lies.

Only to find that the real lying liar, is that God of Lies, Loki.

A leader who cheats his way into power, lies to everyone, foments a cult of personality that brings out the worst in his followers and is fundamentally dangerous to everyone but himself? Well I n-e-v-e-r.

  

Well now Wolverine's dead, so Hela arrives to claim his soul, but Dani intervenes and tries to fight Hela off by herself. It doesn't go well, but what Dani doesn't know, but we do, and Dani is about to find out, is that she is now one of the Valkyries through her communion with Brightwind. That's why everyone was looking at her so funny (because she represents death on two legs.) 

So the other Valykrior arrive to back their sister up and fend off Hela.

At this point, Hela realizes that Thor and his forces are at the gates of her realm, and also she left the oven on, and she really does not have time and energy for all of this unimportant stuff, so she skedaddles.

Still, it really seems like Loki has won the day, although Kitty points out that the X-Men are all here to make trouble and upset his schemes if he doesn't quit right now, so they're kind of at a stalemate.

And what nobody knows, but we are told, is that Karnilla, the Norn Queen and foe of Loki, is the one who called the X-Men over in the first place to undo this whole scheme. It has very little bearing on the plot, but she just wanted to clear that up. Due credit is very importamt to Norns.

So Loki cuts them a deal, saying they can either all go back to Earth, or all stay. But if they go back, they have to give up all of their fabulous treasures, as well as any curses they picked up. That means that Cannonball has to give up his cool new armor and weapons, but Amara can be human again. It also means Rahne has to say goodbye to her Wolf Prince.

Buuuuuut because this is comics and everyone has to conform to conventional beauty standards, Xi'an won't balloon back up to her plus-sized form, Loki is sure to note.

And also, because the bond between woman and flying horse may never be disrupted, Dani will always be a Valkyrie and have custody of Brightwind, so say the Valkyries.

And also also, Wolverine was only mostly-dead. He's fine now. Nothing to worry about.

So it really seems like there's little to be lost in just going back to Earth, but Loki makes Storm one last pitch at staying, Ruling Asgard and retaining her Goddess powers. Storm responds thusly:

With that, the X-Men are sent back to Charles Xavier, and Loki whips up a little Storm action figure to remember her by.

Fin!

Further Thoughts:

I have complained in the past that the Annuals often feel padded, irrelevant and secondary, given their mandate is to provide a momentous-seeming adventure that is self-contained and doesn't dent the continuity overly much. It's a hard balance to walk to make them feel important or exciting without linking them too intimately with the ongoing story. Here, the job is finally done well and was, to boot, a tremendous showcase for the glorious and bountiful artwork of Arthur Adams.

I particularly enjoyed the very mythological twist where all must stay or go, and weigh the gifts of some against the curses of the others.

Although the story was something of a mess and kind of ran out of steam toward the end, around the time Hela and Karnilla show up, it was exciting, had a lot going on (sometimes so much that it was hard to keep track) served nearly every character well by design, and read oddly enough like an upgrade of the Kulan Gath story, with the X-Men playing warrior, engaging in sorcerous shenanigans, and sometimes being forced to switch allegiances.

There's a ton you could discuss, from the way each character is handled and impacted just a little bit by the events here, to the ongoing subplot of supreme villains becoming enamored of Storm (whose name, Ororo, means beauty, ICYMI) to the full fantasy world of high adventure as rendered by superstar guest artist Art Adams. But in the end, what I appreciated was that it was a satisfying, gripping read that gave me a night's worth of escapism - lots to chew on but not too much to digest.