UNCANNY X-MEN #249: The Dane Curse

In the aftermath of losing three teammates, Havok goes in search of Polaris

Originally Published October 1989

It's been a rough time for these X-Men. After Rogue had to take one for the team by getting sucked through the mysterious life-altering portal known as the Siege Perilous in order to stop Mastermold once and for all, Longshot decided to take a leave of absence to -- perhaps literally -- find himself. And then in a bizarre attack from Nanny, a well-meaning but malevolent mad scientist/egg bent on de-aging the X-Men as a means of protecting them, Storm suffered a horrific fate, felled by Havok's stray plasma blast.

To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, the death of one X-Man may be regarded as a misfortune, but to lose three looks more like carelessness.

Havok, sulking around the custom table emblazoned with the likenesses of all eight X-Men and their ugly dumb star logo, is decidedly in his feelings about it. He lashes out at Roma -- who resurrected the team after their sacrifice only to watch them die all over again, presumably from her celestial palace whilst eating funyons -- and Madelyne, whose betrayal and loss Havok took personally as the closest X-Man to her, as well as Wolverine, who has been off doing his own thing in his solo book lately and maybe could have contributed something to the cause if he had been here.

While watching the video feed of Storm's burial, Havok lashes out with a blast at the monitor that ricochets off and knocks him out -- at an inopportune time, as it causes him to miss a significant call.

Lorna Dane has logged on -- and it's the real Lorna! Seems that after the scuffle with Sinister sometime back, she's been feeling more and more like her old self and has finally scrounged up the courage to reach out to her old paramour, only to miss the connection. Of course, someone is there for her to talk to...

Left alone after this, Lorna is found by two Spanish-speaking gentlemen, Ramon and Luis. As Ramon sends Luis off to get a first aid kit, he demonstrates why you don't wander off alone on a shadowy dock at night in an X-Men comic.

We call this the Fran treatment.

Back in Australia, Colossus is having a tough time with his art.

After struggling to put his feelings down on canvas, he tromps off. Unbeknownst to him, however, he's being watched by Lady Deathstrike and her boys. They bring the art back to Donald Pierce, and they do a little bit of appraisal.

Lady Deathstrike actually seems somewhat moved by Piotr's recent artistic output, but reaffirms to Pierce that they will still be killing the X-Men soon. (Which might have the side benefit of increasing the value of Piotr's artwork. Oh wait, he's already dead to the world.)

Elsehwere, Havok awakens to find himself back in his room -- with flowers and a mysterious note by his bedside.

Havok brings Psylocke down to the computer lab where they observe that the system seems to have repaired itself of the hole Havok blasted right through it -- another unsettling quality of this former supervillain lair where they live. Betsy directs Alex to try to trace Lorna's call, and the two have some back and forth about whether Betsy is assuming the role of leader.

Having located Lorna in south Chile, Alex rushes off, but Psylocke advises him to slow his roll -- last we checked, Polaris was being possessed by the Murderous Marauder called Malice, and this is no time to be careless.

Gathering at Gateway's rock for a teleport to South America, the team ponders who could have left the note. Psylocke arrives, having psi-scanned the town and found no intruders. Nope, there's definitely not someone secretly living in the X-Men's basement, eating their food and answering their phone and wearing their clothes. Must be someone else.

Havok supposes maybe it's Gateway, which is, you know, a theory.

Down in South America, Ramon is tending to Polaris' cuts at a bar where the other patrons speculate about this yanqui visitor when in burst...

Whatever this is!

That's right Ladies and Germs, we're in the south tip of South America so you knew it had to happen -- we're doing the Savage Land! The horde slaughters the innocents wantonly and captures Lorna.

The X-Men arrive nearby and Psylocke, extremely useful telepath that she is, searches the area for any sign. She encounters extreme thoughts of passion, fear and lust that are simply too much to bear, and finds herself overwhelmed into near unconsciousness.

Must be before the watershed hour

She's blindsided, but the X-Men regroup fend off their attackers handily.

The X-Men prepare to interrogate the savahges, with Havok -- who seems to really be reveling in his bloodthirsty side today -- proposing and extremely gruesome method.

What in the Dick Cheney?!?!

Luckily, we don't have a chance to fuck around or find out, since the X-Men are attacked by...

You knew they were coming! Barbarus, Whiteout, Gaza the Blind Giant Who Has Been Taught To See With his Mind, and...

Amphibiuuuuuuus!

It's the Savage Land Mutates! (Crowd roars with furious applause as "Tarzan Boy" by Baltimora plays over loudspeaker.)

These delightful freaks get the X-Men on the ropes, but Psylocke demonstrates Leadership Skills and co-ordinates a successful rally for the team.

Not far away, the citizens of Punta Arenas are being tried in a kangaroo court for crimes against the environment -- specifically a tanker contaminating the waters surrounding Antarctica -- by the new Queen of the Savage Land...

Yes, it seems that whatever the quarrel between Zaladane and the High Evolutionary was, Zal seems to have got the better of it, coming out on top of the Savage Land at long last. Psylocke, Dazzler and Colossus arrive with the Mutates as hostages to offer terms -- back off, or face the full might of all eight totally alive and still present X-Men.

Zaladane is suspicious -- Colossus? Doing the talking? -- but can't really be bothered to look into it any further so she lets the Chileans go in exchange for the Mutates.

Meanwhile Havok, who is embedded with the Savage Land Horde, watches. He feels a little guilty about not knowing "Zala" was a former foe of the X-Men when they first met, but that's all in the past. What matters now is that she has Lorna captive, and Havok aims to rescue her.

But what is Zaladane's interest in Polaris?

Of course they're sisters, they have the same last name! Dane!

Sisters??! Them??! I don't see it.

Oh, you know what, there it is.

To be continued!