UNCANNY X-MEN #275: The Path Not Taken!

Magneto makes his final stand in the Savage Land while the X-Men battle Deathbird in space!

Originally Published April 1991

We begin with a bit of Starjamming!

The Starjammers -- that's Corsair, Hepzibah, Ch'od, Cr'reee, and the rest -- led by the Warlord of the Shi'ar Empire (Lilandra's Faction), have boarded the Apocalypse-class behemoth ship of Deathbird, who has usurped the throne from her sister. Though it would seem this small force is outclassed, outweighed, and outstriked by the 'Bird, who has no less a force than the Imperial Guard on her side (remember that time they wiped the floor with the X-Men?), the Starjammers are jazzed to be going into battle for their glorious liege.

Pictured: A Starjammer faces off against the Imperial Guard

On board, Majestrix Deathbird has the X-Men tangled up in her creepy vines after luring them out to the depths of space on the quizzical premise that they should help her kill Charles Xavier, whom they actually like. Jubilee uses her power to free Wolverine, who makes a move against their captor, but finds himself unequal to the task.

With a quick motion, Deathbird drives her staff into Wolverine's spine, killing him.

Wow. I'm as surprised as you are that they killed Wolverine on one of the very first pages of this double-issue, but sometimes you need a shocking moment to kick off the story. I still think the character had 30 or 40 more years of adventures left to tell, but what do I know?

Okay well, on the next page, it turns out that Wolverine is only mostly dead. He has Jubilee remove the staff so that he can track Deathbird down and resume the fight, over Jubilee's protests (homeboy is >100 years old, he's starting to slow down a bit and Jubilee is the only one who realizes it.)

At Storm's direction, Jubilee works to free the other X-Men so that they can do some of this "teamwork" stuff that they've been working on. Jubilee, who is new to the organization and has not fully absorbed her place on the org chart, reluctantly complies.

Before they can get far, however, the Jammers burst in waving guns at everyone who may be an Imperial. Jubilee, my favourite character, stands firm and goes into defensive mode.

Before shots can be fired, Lilandra arrives, and clarifies for her troops that the people with the big X's on their belts are, in fact, the X-Men, and therefore allies of the Starjammers and Lilandra.

The X-Men join the battle against the turncoat Imperial Guard, and once again everyone is there: Oracle, Gladiator, Titan, Warstar, Gladiatim, Starbolt, Starbuck, Earthquake, Big John Studd, Tempest, Smasher, Ren, Stimpy, Krazy Karl, and several more, just out of frame, laughing too.

Of course it wouldn't be an X-Men battle if they didn't have time to get lost in thoughts, and Banshee, noticing Gambit prodding Psylocke about her lack of patter, contemplates how they don't really know much about this avuncular Cajun thief that Storm picked up in her travels, who seems to be observing and asking questions about the others all the time, but never revealing much about himself. I'm sure that's just his way and there's nothing Sinister about it.

The X-Jammers are able to put the Guard in cuffs, while Wolverine hand-delivers Deathbird.

The X-Men are happy and all, but what ever happened to Professor Xavier? After all, Deathbird had brought the X-Men here supposedly to kill him, what's up with that? Why would she think they would be into that? Is he even around?

It turns out, much like Bastion Bux, he's been with us the whole time:

Wearing a spooky metal helmet and calling himself "The Warlord" seems exactly like something Xavier would do, yes.

Xavier is overjoyed to see his students, even if he's never met half of them, and back in the original uniforms (albeit with more butt floss.) He's surprised at all the new faces, and it's like bruh, you don't even know what these people have been through since you been gone.

Let me tell you about this thing called the Siege Perilous

While the New Faces of the X-Men get a load of this supposed founder and mentor for the first time and try to get a read on him, it's otherwise clearly a happy and uncomplicated reunion, so with that story completely taken care of, we switch the scene back to the Savage Land, where as you might recall the combined forces of Rogue, Magneto, Ka-Zar, Nick Fury and SHIELD are preparing to strike against Za LaDane, who has usurped Magneto's role as the Master (well Mistress, because of gender) of Magnetism.

Rogue is slightly miffed that she has to wear armor, and while it's supposedly for her own protection given the inconsistent performance of her powers, it doesn't explain why Ka-Zar gets to walk around shirtless when his only power is that he's the ultimate cat dad.

Sexism

The SHIELD folks are on their way to a pre-dawn raid on Zaladane's fortress. Never you mind the fact that they're in Antarctica during a time of year when the sun actually doesn't set, Lupo and Gaza the Blind Giant Who Learned To See With His Mind need to sleep sometime. In preparation for battle against the new lady-master of magnetism, they have also constructed their helicopters out of ceramics. That's right, they're going to battle in a flying teapot.

They seem to have thought of everything. Except for one thing... sabotage!

I can't stand it, it seems like a spur-of-the-moment decision

As it turns out, Col. Semyanov is still not over the whole deal where Magneto murdered two of his sons, and, seeing an opportunity to get his revenge, has struck down the master of magnetism despite theoretically being aligned, and also despite the shot fully wrecking the SHIELD helicopter carrying Fury, Rogue, Ka-Zar et al, and also despite the fact that Magneto's force fields were providing protection to them against hostile dino-riders. But other than that, totally worth it.

Back down below, Rogue, bedecked in anti-dino armor, musters up enough of her failing super-strength to fend off a hungry hungry dino.

At Zaladane's base, a captured Semyanov entreats with Zaladane: why all the fighting? Why not get the U.N. to recognize The Savage Land as a nation with you as its sovereign? Zal shrugs -- sure, she could go through the hassle of diplomacy, but all-out war is much more fun.

Elsewhere, that chud Brainchild assists his mistress in transferring Magneto's powers to herself, and is sure to show off the fact that he, through his colleague Worm, has enslaved both of the Savage Land's leading ladies, Nereel of the United Tribes and Shanna the She-Devil -- because what a strong woman who doesn't love to have her free will and bodily autonomy subverted every now and again, right?

Never mind the fact that Worm's powers were specifically established as not working that way, oh well

While Zaladane enjoys the sexy good feeling of having powers pumped into her, Magneto is on the trauma train, re-living his worst memories, which as you may recall include both being imprisoned in Auschwitz and also having his young daughter murdered in front of him.

Zaladane comes... to a point where she is fully empowered.

While she luxuriates in her newfound energies, Brainchild has his sex slaves whip the withered and broken Magneto just for extra kicks.

Down below Rogue, dressed down in her Savage Skivvies, is being chased through the jungle by a T. rex; we had previously been informed that when the High Evolutionary re-fertilized the Savage Land, the sapient dinosaurs that lived there leveled up in intelligence and menace too. These are dinosaurs that, like, read Nietzche and get into Bitcoin and shit.

Standing guard, Barbarus considers whether they need to chase off the dinosaur, to which Gaza, the Blind Giant Who Sees With His Mind, says "What dinosaur?"

It was all smoke and mirrors, by way of a holographic projection, a clever way to run up and punch the guards in the face before they knew what was actually happening. Now the surviving heroes -- Rogue, Ka-Zar and Fury -- have access to the citadel. The infiltrate and find their way to the lab, and the battle is on.

In the chaos, Rogue's powers re-manifest, including her flight, strength, and invulnerability. While everyone fights, withered Magneto makes his way to the power console, hoping to reverse the process and undo Zaladane's withdrawal of his powers, and become a super buff old guy again.

It's too late, however, for Rogue, who is crushed under some debris by the Great Dane.

Magneto lashes out at Zaladane, but before he can check to see if Rogue is still alive, he's stopped by Semyanov. 

The Russian perhaps wasn't thinking lucidly when he leveled his weapon at THEE Master of Magnetism.

Magneto is not without remorse for his actions against the submarine Leningrad, but he seems resigned to the fact that he is condemned to play the role of evil.

In a flash, the bad guys are defeated and tied up, but Magneto wants to dispense some lethal justice against Zaladane.

Rogue pleads with him to find a better way -- to consider the fact that the ends don't justify the means, to not turn his back on the way he has grown during his time with the X-Men. 

But, Magneto concludes, he is not Charles Xavier.

Once again donning his villainous red and purple duds, Magneto notes that mutantkind remains threatened from all sides, and a kinder, gentler Magneto is not the man to save them. With that, he departs.

From the ground, Rogue watches sadly, lamenting the loss of someone she had come to consider a friend -- and perhaps more.

Back in space, on the Shi'ar throne world of Chandilar, we arrive just in time for the pomp and circumstance of Lilandra's re-coronation.

The paperwork is stamped and notarized -- Deathbird has renounced her claim to the throne of the Shi'ar forevermore, the seemingly-unending civil war between this wacky Neramani family is over once and for all. This isn't the end of A New Hope, this is the end of Return of the Jedi.

["Yub Nub" plays]

While the celebration goes on, Storm continues to question why the eff Deathbird would have thought the X-Men would ever have helped her kill Charles Xavier and Forge marvels at the wonders of finding sentient lifeforms elsewhere in the universe -- and how ready he is to have sex with them.

I know Forge should still be hung up on Storm, but why let that get in the way of a classic "human fucks a hot alien" gag?

Not all of the X-Men have opted to join the party though. Wolverine prefers to mark the occasion in his own way, by picking bar fights with random aliens. Psylocke prefers the quiet contemplation afforded by her treasured pastime: bathing her sexy Asian body, when...

Jubilee, having made a wrong turn at Space-Albuquerque, meets up with Gambit just in time to see a mysterious figure laying waste to the Imperial Guard's Gladiator and Oracle, and talking about how while Deathbird was not "suitable" for the "plan," Lilandra will be a fitting substitute. The Earthlings, meanwhile, are to be used for -- and try not to cringe too hard -- "breeding stock."

And who is this evil mastermind seeming intent on corrupting the Shi'ar Empire from within? I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count:

I told you this guy was a jerk.

Further Thoughts:

275 is a nice round number, as good of an excuse as any to do a big double-sized issue, but it's not hard to think this is really just two separate stories glued together at different points: while we get the climax of Rogue and Magneto in the Savage Land, the X-Men have only just arrived in space and arrived at what turns out to be the beginning of some kind of conspiracy adventure. That's comics though, always in motion, always onto the next thing -- and that 's what I love about them.

Here's a giant Zabu

Magneto's story helps tie off his metamorphosis from sneering villain, to conflicted heroic mentor, to at long last, complex anti-villain. From here on out Magneto will be fighting for mutant rights in ways that will put him at odds with the X-Men, rather than assisting them or it would seem, directly attacking them. This, I think, is actually the classic form of Magneto and the best use of him at this point in his evolution. While it may hurt to see him break ties with the X-Men, it's a refreshing shade of grey to see him act out his own modus operandi than attempt to hammer him into shape to fit the X-Men's dream.

Meanwhile, this story would have us believe that Charlies himself has also broken bad, a similarity that there might be a lot of percentage in pointing out if the book expected us to believe there weren't some kind of alien identity-thief nonsense likely at play here. We'll play it out and see where it goes.

That's not the only piece of synergy of course -- both stories concern ambitious female figures, would-be conquerors Zaladane and Deathbird, although I don't think there's anything literary or academic to analyze here, only that Claremont has historically loved using strong female characters both as heroes and as villains, and this is the harvest of that.

The issue, then, is mostly Jim Lee-led sound and fury (and Fury): bare-chested men and women in hawt power poses, spilling across pages and outside of panel borders, in ways that look cool and make good pin-ups. The actual storytelling here is lackluster, since both Deathbird and Zaladane's forces are defeated between panels -- Lee, having to draw a double-sized issue, opted to cut a few corners, but I doubt anyone reading in 1991 seriously noticed or cared.