UNCANNY X-MEN #289: Knots

Love is in the air!

Originally Published June 1992

We begin with the ten cent tour, as Storm continues to help Bishop get acclimated to this time and place where people aren't constantly murdering each other in brutal ways (outside of Florida) by walking him through the hall of photos of former X-Men.

Just don't ask "Where are they now"?

Personally I think it's nice that they've got a big portrait of former Headmaster and recent attempted-world-conqueror-and-X-Men-killer Magneto up. You know, I hate it when people try to rewrite the past.

Bish is clearly harboring some complicated feelings for the obviously attractive and appealing but also goddesslike and in his time literally legendary figure in Storm. It's like something out of a Tal Bachman song.

I'll let you decide which one

Elsewhere, while Jean has a quiet moment for Xavier where she assured him he did not steal her childhood away by pitting her in a constant life or death struggle for mutant liberty (and to be fair, life did most of that) Bobby is, in an ostensibly more lighthearted plotline, getting ready to introduce his girlfriend Opal Tanaka to his parents. 

And about his parents... they're, um... definitely ready to meet Opal.

Man, can you imagine if someone who was gay grew up with parents like this? They might take decades to come to terms with their sexuality!

The Drakes are, of course, being watched by a mysterious figure who happens to be of East Asian descent.

Back at the mansion, Warren helps Bobby get ready, but when he is left alone with the mirror he continues to have a hard time facing himself. Actually, that happens when he looks away from the mirror too, as his own younger self stops by to chide him for his glum outlook on life.

Oh no, not this nonsense again

The two Warrens have a slap fight and the impostor reveals himself to be none other than shape-shifter Mystique, who is holed up in the Mansion for a while following and adventure with Wolverine.

The Professor telepathically breaks the row up, chiding Mystique for taking advantage of their hospitality by tormenting the team members. Charles summons Warren to his study, but the Archangel flies off in a huff instead. 

When Bishop, Storm and Forge arrive, Storm harangues Mystique for her cruel attempts at therapy which really put the "psycho" in "psychoanalysis." Raven claims this is merely her way of trying to cheer Warren up, for which Forge defends her.

Which is very gracious of him considering their, um... complicated past.

Bishop jumps in to defend his new crush Ororo and get the Maker to fall in line, which Forge -- who also has a complicated past with her -- takes exception to.

Forge, er, storms off and Storm follows. The Cheyenne lays it on the line: after basically being Adam and Eve together, Storm has hardly looked twice at Forge since they both helped re-form the X-Men. What's that about?

He lays it out there -- he wants a future with Storm, maybe even away from the X-Men and all that. What do you say?

Before we can hear an answer, the scene shifts to a fancy restaurant, where Bobby is bringing his girlfriend to meet "the greatest parents in the world."

Erm, right. Well. Before the Drakes can have it out, Hiro, the cybernetically-enhanced samurai who has been watching the Drakes all night (and who Bobby had previously conflicted with in X-Factor, so he's not just coming out of nowhere) shows up. But he's not here to start a fight...

And the answer to Bobby's question finally appears on the last page. It's...

Them! Of course! 

Okay.

To be continued, I guess!

Are you sure you didn't mean to say "The Racist Parents in the World"?

Further Thoughts:

There's no romance quite like an X-Mance, and I for one am glad to see the X-Men spilling their feelings all over the place, with Iceman courting Opal despite his parents' outrageous xenophobia, Storm trying to reconcile her feelings for Forge, and Bishop coming to terms with the fact that he's got a crush on his boss. The X-Men are uniquely suited to romantic subplots because they generally don't live double lives like other superheroes, but are all kind of stuck being X-Men 24/7, meaning they're in close quarters with several other buff and studly mutants constantly battling life or death situations alongside one another... it's practically a tawdry Netflix reality dating show. I live for it, even if there are few superhero comic creators who have managed to give the proper weight and sensitivity to matters of romance. One writer who was pretty good at it when the situation called... actually just got fired from this book, so never mind.