UNCANNY X-MEN #347: Big Night

Gambit faces down some old "friends"!

Originally Published September 1997

We begin with WAAP.

When we last saw Gambit and these space-tossed X-Men, they had been sent careening out of control by some kind of massive space-ship that may have destroyed the stargate intended to bring them back to Earth, seemingly leaving them stranded on an alien planet. 

But actually no.

Gambit realizes he is actually not on an alien planet, but back on Earth, by dint of encountering a few familiar faces: Grovel, a giant lizard-type-a-thing, and Spat who is... um... how can I put this delicately... a child-woman in a fur bikini.

Spat and Grovel are (perhaps improbably) bounty hunters (you know, like Dog but less odd-looking.) Their target? Gambit himself, a man with whom they are acquainted from way back when.

Elsewhere in the jungle, we see the remains of the Shi'ar ship crash land, but only Trish and Beast are found. It seems the others simply disappeared from the ship -- and now Hank seems to be feeling a little worse for wear.

Beneath the streets of Manhattan, Marrow, having escaped her failed attempt on Henry P. Gyrich's life, looks after a convalescing Callisto, whose recovery plan seems to consist entirely of smearing leaves all over her goodies. Marrow, also known as Sarah, is struggling with the pain brought on by her mutant power to grow freaky sharp bones out of her body, and also having a philosophical debate over the Morlock lifestyle.

Callisto induces Marrow to think about a time before she was so angry. This takes her back to her childhood, during the mutant massacre, when she beheld a crucified Warren Worthington (remember, she grew up in an alternate dimension where she aged rapidly, much like Illyana Rasputin.)

Funny how the memory cheats -- that's not how Angel dressed back then

Callisto convinces Marrow to go back and help the X-Men, because just this once they all want the same thing. She agrees and promises to try really hard not to kill people ... unless they deserve it.

Back in the wild, Rogue wakes up surprised to find herself spooning -- with Joseph!

Suitably alarmed, both because touching him would cause her to absorb his powers and mem'ries (what of them exist) but also because she was only really in a mood to cuddle Gambit lately, she hops to her feet and tries to fly up and see what she can see, only to be mysteriously stopped!

If there's some kind of forcefield around them, Joseph's magnetic powers will find it out. 

He cranks it up and reveals... they're not outside at all!

Secretly in a cave? I think Plato wrote something about this

Yes, they are trapped in a cave of some kind. Joseph finds something familiar in all this, but it's unclear whether he means this particular cave or caves in general.

They have a guest, but he's not particularly forthcoming on details.

In another part of the cave, Gambit is putting it together -- he knows this is the work of Landscape, aka Brett. He tries to charm Spat, but she's not falling for it, with some still-fresh wounds from when Gambit went to work for "him." Seems like we've met somebody who knows Gambit's Deep Dark Secret™!

Spat runs off and Grovel informs us that Spat once took a "bolt" meant for Gambit, which seems to be the reason why she has Benjamin Button disease.

Hey, what is it with him and grown women in the bodies of children?

We briefly shift to Pine Bluff, South Cackalacky -- recently the site of Joseph and Rogue's encounter with Operation: Zero Tolerance -- where the mystery man with the two large bugs at his disposal is sniffing around for answers about Joseph. He runs afoul of some some Good Ole Boy OZT Types... but it's nothing he can't handle.

Back in the Mystery Cave, Gambit, Spat and Grovel meet up with Joseph, Rogue and Brett. 

Gambit frees himself, saying he knows who is after him and that if he's going to be taken in, it's going to be on his own terms.

From afar, Spat kens that Gambit may actually have feelings for Rogue -- and that she may return the same, which probably means she does not yet know his DDS.

And before Joseph can pound the snot out of Landscape just for the fun of it, he heard a voice calling out in recognition. It's...

Yes fans, time to dig out your copies of X-Men Vol 1 #113 from 1978, which you no doubt have in NM condition, because it's Nanny (I)!

To be continued!

Further Thoughts:

At some point over the last 8 years and 500,000+ words, you might have gleaned the fact that I like the X-Men comics.

Part of what I like about them is that they're nuts. Yes, they are oftentimes a cogent and applicable representation of prejudice and oppression translated to an action-adventure story, but also, they're just plain wild. Take for instance, the second half of 1997. At this very moment in the other book, we the reader are embroiled in Operation: Zero Tolerance, a high-stakes event that sees the X-Men taken to the brink of destruction by the pseudomilitary forces led by Bastion and his Sentinel crew. That's what you expect X-Men to be about. But at the very same time, half the team is also trapped in space, and/or a mystery cave where they meet a bunch of kooky characters while dealing with interpersonal conflicts arising from their messy backstories.

Gimme that stuff in an I.V.!

Are Spat and Grovel the hot new character finds of 1997? According to Lobdell, they were designed to be too bizarre to ever be made into toys (as Marvel was mostly a toy factory in the 90's.) They did not succeed but the pair certainly adds more flavour than if Gambit's old friends had been just a pair of gun-toting macho types. And if bounty hunting doesn't work out for Spat, there's always a place for her on TLC.

As far as I know, Landscape never got a figure though

Remarkably, the saga of Gambit's Deep Dark Secret has been spinning for years, and just when you're at the point of tearing you hair out over the allusions and innuendo it looks like we're finally -- furtively, tentatively -- tiptoeing our way to a conclusion on that. You may hate it, but the point of comics is to generate more comics, so you've gotta milk that cow dry, baby. 

Brett is really trying to make the most of his limited time to shine

I may be rolling my eyes at dredging up Nanny from the deep past, but at least there is an in-story purpose to clarifying Joseph's backstory, which seems like it will be culminating at the same time as Gambit's, weirdly enough. This issue manages to juggle the X-Men's ongoing woes, introduce a few antagonistic new characters, revisit Joseph's deal, and check in with Marrow and the-guy-with-the-slugs. That's a lot, but it certainly fulfills the task.

If I can't say that this is a great issue in and of itself, it's pretty representative of why I feel compelled to keep going with this property. Issues like this are why I get so mad when the comics aren't good, because at minimum they should all be as good as this. The name Scott Lobdell is not spoken reverently, and yet for 6 years he's managed to create consistently good to great X-Men comics, with only the occasional lull. That deserves a bit of recognition.