Monday, September 17, 2018

UNCANNY X-MEN #112: Magneto Triumphant!


Are the X-Men ready to face the Master of Magnetism? Probably not, right?




Originally Published August 1978

So, the X-Men had been kidnapped and brainwashed by their old foe Mesmero, and forced to perform in the circus. It was the perfect revenge, until the X-Men broke free of his control through sheer force of will and the power of slapping. They confronted their foe but before they could settle his hash, they found that someone had beaten them to it: namely the only person out there with a bigger score to settle with the X-Men: the master of magnetism, Magneto!


Magneto is eager to go another round with the X-Men after they basically just walked away from their last encounter in the middle, while he was in the process of kicking their ass all over Muir Island. Magneto explains how he followed Beast all around the circus, apparently going completely unnoticed, despite being clad in a full length purple cape and helmet ensemble.


He also reminds us that the Magneto that teamed with Mesmero sometime earlier was in fact a robot, although no explanation is offered as to why or how or what it all means (except that Magneto claims never to have met Mesmero before, meaning there are robot Magnetos out there making new friends and devising schemes with them, which just raises further questions.)

Using his magnetic powers, Magneto levitates the circus wagon in which the X-Men have gathered and flies it all the way to the very southern tip of South America, to his latest rad base, located deep inside an active volcano. Total baller.



Magneto and the X-Men duke it out, but the X-Men struggle to mount any kind of offense because it turns out Magneto is an insanely powerful mutant even if you don't happen to be made of metal or possess metal claws in your hands. Cyclops laments that his X-Men are uncoordinated and just attacking randomly, which, bro, you were in charge of training them. It's been months in that Danger Room, what are you even doing?


Even Phoenix, who recently became a being of pure energy and rescued the entire universe by reconstructing the energy lattice inside the M'Kraan Crystal discovers an upper limit to her power when trying to combat Magneto's abilities.

 

Having vanquished his foes, Magneto executes his master plan for revenge, which rivals Mesmero's in how badly it robs the X-Men of their dignity.


Inspired by Magneto's recent tenure as a toddler, the X-Men are strapped in to chairs and connected to apparatuses that scramble their brains and motor skills, devolving them to the helplessness of six-month-old children. They will be cared for by a robotic nanny, presumably for the rest of their days, while Magneto goes on to destroy and subjugate humankind.


Boy, it has definitely not been a great week for the X-Men's bodily autonomy.

To be continued!

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