Monday, October 7, 2019

UNCANNY X-MEN #149: And the Dead Shall Bury The Living!


The X-Men experience some of the pitfalls of heroism.





Originally Published September 1981

To begin with, the Professor is pensive:

"Probably Nordic?" Might want to read ahead, Chuck.

He's got Magneto on the brain, summarizing for our benefit the whole history of the X-Men's greatest foe in six panels or less. The Master of Magnetism hasn't been seen since the misadventure in the volcano that left the X-Men presumed dead (with hilarious results!) I'm not sure why, with his greatest enemies defeated Magneto decided take a sabbatical, but far be it from me to second guess the thought process pf the world's premier evil mutant.


Yes, while the X-Men's deadliest foe has been missing, Professor X has a hunch he's getting ready to make a big return based on all this... (vaguely waves hand around) magnetism in the air.

Unfortunately, Xavier is distracted from his ponderings...



Having a 13-year-old's sense of appropriateness, that ragamuffin Kitty decides it's a good time to burst through the wall and show off her newly-designed X-Men uniform.

And I mean -- look, I get it. It's supposed to be tacky and awkward, but they designed it a little too well because I really do cringe that Kitty Pryde - a fictional character who only exists as lines on a page - is out here dressed like that. When this look in on-panel, I feel bad.


Xavier gives her the ultimate "Not now kiddo." It's obvious he doesn't have energy for this teenage buffoonery, but he's also frustrated since Kitty's phasing disrupts his computer system (five more minutes of looking at Magneto's face and he would have cracked this thing wide open, I'm sure.) Kitty is lucky to escape without any demerits.

Sulking, Kitty wanders into the Danger Room, which the other X-Men are still repairing. Since she's so absorbed in thought, the other X-Men decide to snap her out of her funk by playing Hot Potato with... her.


However, before they can tell her how terrible her outfit is, the Professor appears and sends them on a recon mission. Their destination - Magneto's abandoned Antarctic volcano base. You know, where they were tortured into being helpless toddlers and almost killed by molten hot magma? That place.


The place has been cleared out and left as a series of underground tunnels. Kitty who had stowed away on the plane, helps explore the cavern (in her roller skates) but there's something cre-e-epy going on...




Yes, it's Garokk, the Petrified Man! And he's new and improved! Sure, half his body is melted, but the rest of it has gotten really buff. He's bitter about being prevented from ruling the Savage Land, and also being left for dead in a bottomless pit.

Garokk explains that he was rescued at the last second by Magneto, who has charged him to be the guardian of this place. Pretty impressive get for Magneto, being that Garokk is the living avatar of the ancient sun god and all. You would think with those credentials think he could land a better gig than bouncer at Magneto's abandoned lab, but I suppose it's a buyer's market for talent these days and the bottom really fell out of Garokk's "enslave the Savage Land" venture.



Garokk unleashes a wall of lava to do away with Kitty in brutal, decisive fashion, then moves on to his main vendetta, Storm, who let him fall to his apparent death all those months ago. Personally I think that it's unfair to lay that at Ororo's feet, since she tried really hard to save him, and that was a pretty magnanimous gesture after he himself tried to kill the X-Men. And her rescue only failed due to succumbing to her claustrophobia. But some people just can't be convinced.



Garokk's big plan is to throw Storm in a deep hole, much like the one he fell into the last time he met the X-Men. As far as ideas for how to kill the X-Men, I've heard less pragmatic ones, sure.


Miraculously, Kitty's powers have enabled her to survive being smothered with molten hot magma, and she arrives in time to join the fray, disorienting him by phasing through, as she had earlier.


Unfortunately, this really just causes Garokk to leap into the pit with Storm in his clutches. All seems lost until the X-Men find their teammate wiped out on a ledge in the pit, and use their teamwork to extract her, in a fairly effective scene.



As the X-Men jet away, they consider their findings - Magneto went to a lot of trouble to clear valuable equipment and place Garokk in case anyone came looking, and so they conclude he must be up to something. But they have a pretty spotty record against him - what will happen when he finally makes his move?

We might not have to wait to find out - on the Mysterious Island where Cyclops and Aleytys "Lee" Forrester have washed up in the care of the Master of Magnetism himself, Magneto reveals he's been onto Cyclops from the beginning!



But not before dressing him and Lee in kooky island garb. Cyclops is serving Atlantean Matador realness.

To be continued!

Further Thoughts:

I wasn't a huge fan of the previous Garokk story - it was a bit of an awkward fit for the X-Men, sticking them into what felt like the end of an unrelated Ka-Zar adventure. But this one was actually a lot more exciting - Garokk being a monstrosity rather than a frail Mr. Burns type helps, as does the personal vendetta he bears against Storm, and the dramatic volcano-cave setting. It's a winning combo.


I'm quite enjoying the way the Island vignettes appear to be laddering up to something big. While the main stories lately have been just-fine Saturday Morning action, simply taking another side-story and interspersing it over the long term adds a certain directionality to the proceedings, an anticipation of payoff.

As to Magneto rescuing Garokk from his death - well, wouldn't that put him pretty much right at the scene when the X-Men fought him? So he would know they were still alive and made no attempt to go fight them? Well far be it from me to second-guess the thought process of the world's premier evil mutant. Again.

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