UNCANNY X-MEN #148: Cry, Mutant!

Kitty makes a friend!

Originally Published August 1981

We begin all wet:

Finally, a comic book that caters to horny adults.

Cyclops and his new ladyfriend, Aleytys "Lee" Forrester have washed up on the shores of a mysterious island where they have been drawn to a majestic city that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. Cyclops, who is unable to use his sight because doing so would unleash his deadly optic blasts, asks Lee to describe what she sees. Unfortunately, Lee is no Bill Bryson, so words fail her at this time. She's... a little overwhelmed.

Is it so hard to say "There's a bunch of weird towers and a sexy giant Cthulhu statue"?

Lee is a little preoccupied, though. As soon as she's sure they've found safety, she decides now is a perfect time to start trying to get frisky with her crewman. After all, in the words of Hurley, it's a classic desert island scenario. If this gorgeous blonde sailor is ever going to have a chance with this superpowered mutant sadsack with the insanely toned abs, now is the time.

Unfortunately, Cyclops is still not really over Jean, and politely declines the chance to do the Humpty Dance with Lee.

Lee protests that she, too, has baggage, and isn't exactly looking for an emotional entanglement, just some physical touch to acknowledge the fact that they have had a trying few days and has maybe earned a little bit of jiggy-jiggy. You can see both sides of the argument here: on the one hand, emotional clarity, consent, appropriateness, etc. On the other, hot people alone on an island without clothes. Both make excellent points.

Lee, for her part, takes the rejection very maturely.

Women: Can't live with 'em, can't open your eyes to look at 'em without unleashing your deadly optic blasts

Running away from a functionally blind guy on a strange island neither of you know your way around, which is almost 100% guaranteed to have some kind of squidward-looking monster running around is definitely a sensible choice.

Luckily after a brief moment, Lee does return, and the two hug it out.

Back at the Mansion, the X-Men are having some of their trademark downtime. Wolverine and Nightcrawler engage in a friendly game of "hide & seek..."

While Angel throws a hissy fit over the continued employment of Wolverine, the supposed psychopath whom he has fought beside now on numerous occasions and has proven to be a reliable and valuable asset to the team (unlike Angel).

That's not how the joke goes, Warren.

As hard to defend as Angel's point is here, at least it gives him a perspective, and positions him as a kind of Elder statesman X-Men purist. He doesn't like these All-New All-Different X-Men. They're too new, and too... different.

Elsewhere, Colossus and Banshee repair the Blackbird jet, with Piotr's little sister Illyana in tow.

So cute! Wish they could stay that age forever.

Illyana is not the only young lady visiting, however, as Banshee is informed that a young woman by the name of Theresa Rourke has come to visit. That name sounds vaguely familiar to Banshee. He used to know a Maeve Rourke... yes, old enough to be Theresa's mother. But that was long ago, and she's dead. Say, she looked a bit like...

That night, Kitty, Storm, Storm's least favourite person Stevie Hunter, and Jessica Drew (aka Spider-Woman, who has recently befriended the X-Men after an adventure in her own book, also written by Chris Claremont) visit a nightclub called Infinity, where the feature attraction is none other than the Mutant Disco Diva herself... Dazzler!

Unfortunately, the party is crashed by a mysterious, rag-clad, foul-smelling (I assume) creature calling itself Caliban that we have seen emerge from the sewer earlier.

When Caliban arrives on the scene chaos erupts but it's clear he only wants one thing...

A battle ensues between Caliban and Storm and Spider-Woman, while Dazzler "distracts" the normies with a lightshow and more music. Eventually the heroines get the bad guy to say "uncle" and unmask him...

Turns out it was Old Man Withers, night watchman of the abandoned Snowglobe Factory! Jinkies!

No, wait, Caliban is just a run-of-the-mill disfigured mutant with the intellect and emotional capacity of a young child. He has the power to sense other mutant and emerged from his hiding spot when he sensed Storm and Kitty nearby (the only mutants in the city of New York, of course.)

The poor dear has been mistreated all his life (his father named him after a famous monster for crying out loud!) and only wanted a friend. Unfortunately, he lacks the social tools to form interpersonal bonds organically. When he hears police sirens, he runs back into hiding, declining Storm's offer to come live at the mansion (probably just a courtesy offer anyway.)

In considering Caliban, the X-Ladies determine that there but for the grace of God go they - Kitty considers the way she has treated Nightcrawler, and Spider-Woman even reflects on how she has sometimes been considered quite the freak hersel.

Now listen - I'm not here to downplay anybody's life experience, but let's grow some perspective here. With the exception of Kitty (plucky tween computer genius who gets to hang out with and be a superhero), every one of these women is glamorously beautiful and lives an exciting life. I don't know if I can believe them when they say meeting Caliban reminds them of their own troubles. Homeboy lives in the sewer. But whatever.

Meanwhile, back on Kokomo, Lee and Cyclops contemplate their next move. And since it won't be sex, or a sincere conversation about their complicated mutual feelings of loss, they discuss what to have for dinner. Fortunately, they are greeted by the island's seemingly only otther inhabitant...

Oh you know where this is going...

You know him, you love him... If it's the last page, it's got to be...

Yaaaaas!

Further Thoughts:

This issue takes the form of one of those classic between-adventures-adventures tgat have become commonplace in the Claremont years, punctuating long drawn-out stories with one-offs where the X-Men horse around at the mansion, get chores done, think about their dark pasts, go to clubs, meet friends, ponder the meaning of their inner torments, play baseball, flirt, go through lengthy periods of self-examination, and, as a topper, briefly punch a bad guy. Including stories like this really helps the aura of the ongoing narrative by implying these characters have lives and we aren't only seeing them when they're gearing up for the next mission, even if the next mission happens to find them while they are at the disco.

Caliban isn't much of a villain for his own sake but he is a real presence. The book's strength is in revealing at the end that he's not a criminal or a monster, just a sad loner who has been twisted by the rejection he has faced in the world. I like that in the war between Good Mutant Heroes and Evil Mutant Villains, there are reluctant combatants like Caliban who has his own take and just wants to live his best sewer mutant life. Maybe he won't be the hot new toy on shelves this Christmas (of 1981) but his existence definitely helps flesh out the X-Men's world. I'm sure we haven't seen the last of that rascal. I'm a Cali-Fan.