UNCANNY X-MEN #190: An Age Undreamed Of!

The Marvel Universe gets caught up in a Sword and Sandals fantasy!

Originally Published February 1985

We begin once again with a stunning panoramic vista of New York, at the Battery on the Lower end of Manhattan Island...

...As it might have appeared in a mythical "Barbarian" age.

What is the cause of this inverse-gentrification? Here's our Pal Val down in Washington, DC to tell us more:

The scoop from Coop

The sorcerer living in that cursed necklace, Kulan Gath, has cast a spell across the city. Behind the wall encircling the island, everything is regressed to this historical state, and the enchanted people believe they are part of that environment. 

Basically, he has used his unfathomable powers to create the world's most sprawling LARP.

As we all know, lots and lots of superheroes live inside NYC, especially since the X-Men were in the city at the time, so they have all been transformed into their Barbarian Alternate Universe equivalents - only Spider-Man, who has had a previous run-in with Kulan Gath, is somehow immune.

Wait, when did they pose for this picture?

Val also notes In this world, the Morlocks - our favourite sewer-dwelling mutant outcast found family - have been conscripted as Kulan Gath's private army. To hammer home that this is a bad dude Val informs us that Kulan maintains his status by sacrificing children.

Not to be pedantic, but I'm pretty sure magic has been shown to work outside those walls too.

The assembled government officials get a little sidetracked debating whether the X-Men belong in the "heroes" category and whether they should be herded into concentration camps.

Just putting this here, no particular relevance to today, nope.

It's good to know there's a little bit of room in this caper to explore the ambivalence with which the U.S. Government views the mutant population, the ostensible main theme of this book which is now largely about various wizards and witches.

Val brings it back tot he matter at hand (Manhattan enchanted and enslaved) and how mutants - who have no reason to help humans and every reason to hate them (largely thanks to situations she helped engineer tbh) - may be our only hope to undo Gath's dominion and stop it from spreading.

Meanwhile, on the banks of said island, the woman known as Ororo  - last seen preparing to sail away from her problems on a cruise - awakens in her berth, to an old foe:

Yes, as previously discussed, Ororo's Good Judy Callisto would be the Captain of the Kulan's guard in this setting. But despite the fact that Val had specifically said that these enchanted people all kinda-sorta remember who they are and what their relationships are to others, just recontextualized into this environment, Storm and Callisto act as if they are meeting for the first time. 

Cal explains that Ororo's existence is displeasing to Kulan, which is reason enough for the arrest. Remember, this isn't a Kulacracy, it's a Gathtatorship.

As Sunder prepares Ororo a slave collar on a nearby brazier, Ororo knocks it over, causing fire to spread throughout the ship. As the fire spreads, Callisto pursues Storm up the mast (seems like a dumb place to go when your boat is on fire but ok) where the two have a brief knife-fight, as is their tendency.

I would be remiss if I don't point out - just to get it off my armour-plated chest - that yes, pretty much every single female character in this book spends the duration in some striperiffic fantasy getup, even in contexts where it would not seem appropriate or practical, most especially Callisto - normally a butch punk - dressed down to a metal bra and silk underoos for her combat-heavy role as Captain of the Guard.

I know it's part of the Conan/Red Sonja setting, but in this context it's weird and I don't like it, and even if you take it as Kulan Gath subjugating these women as part of the the decadence of his regime - Jabba the Hutt style - I don't think it's called for.

As the mast burns, Storm grabs Callisto and the two take a dive into the river, where they drift past the magical barrier, and when they cross, they become their modern-day selves again, where Val has naval ships looking for refugees from Kulanhattan.

Meanwhile, we see evil wizard Kulan Gath in his element, taking Sorcerer Supreme Dr. Strange out of the equation... 

Sorcery involves a lot of pointing and talking.

...and, in an extra-showy bit of grotesquery, mutating Xavier and Caliban into a single Homunculus type being to serve him and hunt down the remaining mutants. His intention is to force everyone with superpowers to serve him, or die - placing particular importance on gaining revenge on that accursed "Man-Spider" (his pet name for Spider-Man.)

In the meantime, Gath has captured most of the current roster of the New Mutants - Wolfsbane, Dani Moonstar, Sunspot, Cannonball, and their latest recruit, the wacky techno-organic alien teen known as Warlock, to induct into his youth program.

Warlock, who above appears to be an average brown-haired human teen but normally looks like a robot made of fruit leather, gets a special spotlight here because - seemingly for nebulously-defined reasons relating to his techno-organic alien status - he is immune to Kulan Gath's spell. So while his teammates all think they are Barbarian youths who have been kidnapped by an evil Wizard, Warlock knows the truth - they are actually 80's youths who have been kidnapped by an evil wizard.

So when Kulan Gath brainwashes the Earthling New Mutants into serving him, Warlock's Fight-or-Flight response kicks in... literally.

When Warlock escapes, the Xavier part of the Xavialiban creature tries to resist the command to use his/their powers to track him down. But while Kulan asserts his dominion over this creature (whom he admits, in another time and place may be his equal - the Xavier part, not Caliban) he doesn't notice he has an unexpected visitor, lurking in the shadows (as she always seems to.)

Yes, lost somewhere in the mishegoss of all this world-altering sorcery, Selene is still on the loose. Because of her own magical prowess, she too was immune to Gath's spell, meaning she's free to run amok as she sees fit. And it turns out she is not a fan of our guy Gath.

And who does she conscript into her efforts to undermine this fellow ancient sorcerer, but our Two Girls Out to Have Fun, the objects of her attentions from last issue, Rachel and Amara. 

It only stands to reason.

After rescuing them from some Morlocks intent on sexual assault - seriously why must the ever-present threat of rape be a constant fixture of these fantasy settings, grow up you writers - she makes her pitch, noting "You don't remember me but I sure as heckfire remember you."

Which, again contradicts what Val told us about the heroes and villains all remembering each other but I guess you can just blame that on bad intel. 

Using Rachel's telepathic abilities, Selene places a collect call to Storm and Callisto outside of Gath's barrier, where they are being held and observed by the U.S. Government forces, and makes a pitch to collaborate.

Callisto and Storm are absolutely game to take down the evil wiz, with Callisto objecting to the role of servitude she and her people were forced into under Gath, but they note that once they cross the barrier they'll be back where they started, fully in-character in their barbarian roles. Selene provides them magical protection so that, while they will still be mentally warped to their surroundings, they will generally recall their conversation with Selene and their objectives.

While Storm and Callisto make their escape, they discuss recent circumstances - Storm notes that she has lost her elemental powers, which Callisto considers a shame, because she wanted to win her leadership of the Morlocks back in combat from a fully powered Storm (even though she was forbidden from using her powers in the duel last time, but never mind, it's the principle of the thing.)

Meanwhile back in Kulandia,  Public Enemy #1, the Man-Spider known as Spider-Man, is being chased by Kulan Gath's latest recruits, the New Mutants, winding up in a tavern.

Before long, the New Mutants have apprehended Spidey, and turn their attention to another target nearby who also happens to be in this very tavern, cowering in a corner: young Illyana Rasputin.

Luckily, this tavern also happens to be frequented by X-Men Nightcrawler and Rogue (whose skin is green for reasons unknown) and members of the Avengers (Captain America, the Wasp and Starfox - not Fox McCloud but Thanos' brother Eros who has super fuckboy powers) all of whom object to this brute squad turning its attentions to a 13-year-old girl - demon-sorceress or otherwise.

Joining the battle as it gets underway are Sunder and Colossus - who is apparently on Gath's side in this, for reasons not stated. But luckily, Illyana manifests her Soulsword, an enchanted blade that can cut through any sorcery or enchantment, which frees him. 

The battle rages for another moment, until Selene comes in and obliterates all the faceless mooks with her ground-smothering trick, leaving the villainous characters familiar to us - ie, the New Mutants and Sunder - to slip away with Spider-Man in custody.

To the assembled heroes, Selene makes her pitch - help her defeat Kulan Gath, because their lives depend on it. But before they can all join hands and say huzzah about it, Kulan appears and abducts Selene herself.

Don't worry, she's not dead, merely in custody. However, in the chaos, Storm and Callisto arrive and the heroes slip away into a Morlock tunnel which is safe from Calixavier's super-searching powers. There, they circle back on Next Steps, firming up their plans to help Selene with the immediate threat of Kulan Gath, and worrying afterward about whether Selene herself is an evil sorceress.

Sounds good!

Further Thoughts:

First of all, let's remark on the evolving style of John Romita Jr.'s art, which is reaching a form closer to what we recognize as the trademark that has made him an iconic penciller for decades, with crisp detail and dynamic action.

Here is where, normally, I would make some of my usual complaints - guest stars crowding the X-Men out of their own book, getting side-tracked with a magical quest that has little if anything to do with the X-Men's main mutant mandate. But I actually quite admire this one, even as I have my pet critiques.

It is a trifle distracting that this story needs to put as much spotlight on the Avengers and Spider-Man (and the New Mutants) as it does our X-Men, but it only stands to reason that with Gath's enchantment affecting the whole of Manhattan, and Marvel being at a higher tide of integration in 1985, that Cap, Spidey and the rest would be pulled into this caper. Looked at as a mini-crossover or proto-"event comic" it functions decently.

But make no mistake - this is shaping up to be a pretty lightweight story, and no amount of guest stars, brainwashing, uneasy alliances, and offscreen human sacrifice can make this feel like a story with major implications for the future of the X-Men. It's just a weird thing that is currently happening, will probably get resolved and never thought of again. If you wanted to make a list of X-Men stories through history, you could probably get to 100 or maybe even 1000 before thinking of "The time they fought Kulan Gath." And in a weird way, I appreciate that, because it's a relic from a bygone era. The last time I read monthly comics, you didn't rearrange the entirety of reality and upset the allegiances of various characters for a one-and-done two part outing. If you were going to go to the trouble, it would be for a massive ten-part summer crossover with eight tie-ins and a line-wide relaunch at the end. I feel like a story like this is both too big and too small for the modern comics publishing philosophy.

This one issue give us a lot to process, as we are introduced to an entirely new world order, new "rules," new dynamics and identities for our heroes an villains - even though we are promised things are essentially the same, we don't know why Colossus is (briefly) in the service of Kulan Gath, for instance. It follows a lot of different threads, but it does successfully draw together the group we can identify as our heroes, with a purpose and pooled resources. In all that, it's a little messy and some bits get skimmed over, but it's overall a fun excursion if only because so damned much happens in this comic. This is one of the hardest regular issues I have ever had to write up.

But while I can downplay one of my major complaints about this era of the X-Men, I can't dismiss it altogether: Despite a few token references to the role of mutants in a real or magical world, we are getting a bit off-topic. The book is recently very fixated on magic and magical forces, with now a new ancient sorcerer villain for the heroes to face, on top of Selene, and just after disposing of the magically-based alien forces of the Dire Wraiths. Now, as general-use superheroes, I don't have a problem with the X-Men fighting any kind of antagonist that crosses their paths. I accept that Selene has a mutant connection, and there were vague reasons why the Wraiths were after Forge (a mutant and mover-shaker in the mutant saga at that). But there's a risk at taking your villains to a scale where just being a mutant with mutant powers won't be enough to combat them and our heroes are just waiting around to see who has the most magic powers to snap their fingers and end the story. The X-Men do have a magician of their own in Illyana, but she's not positioned to be much of a factor here.

"Whenever Selene isn't on-panel, all the other characters should be asking, 'Where's Selene?'"

What this story does give us is some interesting intrigue of uneasy alliances, shaking up the usual dynamics - the X-Men helping Selene, with Rachel and Amara in her thrall? The New Mutants as goons for Kulan Gath? Storm and Callisto bonding?? All wild. But as vital as she may be to the resolution, Selene is not meant to be the star of the X-Men. It's important to keep our protagonists as the primary engines of conflict resolution in the story - and while I'm not entirely sure this story succeeds at that, but it's hard to tell amidst all the chaos of everyone just running around in their barbarian underpants.