UNCANNY X-MEN #194: Juggernaut's Back in Town!

Nimrod in my Backyard!

Originally Published June 1985

We begin by spreading the word around:

Yes, it's big news that the big man with the big bands of Cyttorak has returned to New York City, although he's been in town for a while now, first battling Spider-Man in Marvel Team-Up and then throwing down with Colossus several months back (in comic time, publishing time and our time). It must be something of a slow news day. God, I miss those.

The report is sure to note that Juggy had clashed with Spider-Man and the X-Men recently, an individual and faction who are both routinely vilified in the court of public opinion. Could it be that Spider-Man and the X-Men are actually heroes?? (Or maybe Juggernaut is the hero? Or there are no true heroes, only a cold, uncaring nothingness of reality?)

The early morning news reaches the X-Mansion - as every X-Man seemingly has left the radio or TV on for this breaking story while they awaken - and the group has mixed feelings to say the least, ranging from Nightcrawler rolling over and burying his head in the sheets...

...to Colossus eager for a rematch, to Rachel taking the opportunity to mope some more about how everyone she ever knew and loved is dead and she herself is a temporal anomaly who can't have even been born.

Ugh, I tell ya, that girl's got a one-track mind. It always leads back to her depressing backstory and trauma.

Wolverine, out for his morning jog in his silk PJs, thinks about how it's been a tough year, and now Nightcrawler has a lot on his plate as leader. He may resist, but he has to step up since he seems to be the only one with real potential in the gig (after all, if Wolverine led the X-Men, who would he clash with, himself?) He wakes Kurt up to let him know that yes, they do in fact have to go take care of this Juggernaut thing.

All of which proves almost laughable because when they do find Juggernaut, it seems he really is just in town to open a bank account. What, is that a crime now? Are you gonna impound his free toaster?

The other X-Men are also present in strategic locations - Nightcrawler and Rogue on the rooftop across the street and Colossus and Wolverine in the alley below - just in case there happens to be some action. Luckily there is, but it's not Juggernaut's fault...

Yes, even though nobody has done anything illegal here, Nimrod - the evil robot from the future - bursts through the wall like he's selling flavoured drink crystals, and declares himself the law, which he will enforce on those he doesn't like. To death. 

As we know, Nimrod intends to take out both Juggernaut and the X-Men, all of whom he regards as super-scofflaws. He immediately makes his statement by shzamming Juggernaut, and I don't mean trying to determine what song is playing on the bank's PA system.

All that really does, however, is wreck Juggernaut's nice sweater.

However, Nimrod has plenty of tricks up his sleeve. While the X-Men help evacuate the bank, Nimrod blasts Juggernaut so hard he lands in a conveniently-placed construction site.

The X-Men arrive, and take a minute to determine exactly whose side they are supposed to be on. They know very well that the enemy of the enemy is their friend, but in this case, it's hard to determine who is the enemy, and who is the enemy of that enemy.

Nimrod provides a helpful indication:

The X-Men launch an offensive, but are unable to gain ground with with a fastball special. That's because Nimrod is equipped with what I like to call "Super Nuh-uh Powers." As in, you know when you're a kid on the playground, and you say to your friend "I got you with my laser beam!" and your friend goes "Nuh-uh, I have a forcefield that's designed to withstand your laser beams!" And then you just keep escalating from there? That's kind of Nimrod's deal. He has a forcefield and fingerblasters, and he knocks Juggernaut's helmet off and incapacitates him with a high-frequency sonic blast, inhibits Rachel's psychic powers, and repels Kitty when she tries to phase through his armour (which is how they determine he's a robot and not a guy on a battlesuit, since she doesn't feel any yucky human entrails in there, I guess.) He also comes with batteries included, so you know he's the real deal.

With the rest of the team down for the count, Rogue users her powers to absorb the abilities of Kitty, Colossus and Nightcrawler. This chimerical X-Blend confuses Nimrod's sensors and Rogue is able to get the drop on him, teleporting pieces of him away and dealing him a destructive blow.

But nuh-uh, becuase Nimrod can regenerate!

Still, even a killer robot from the future knows when he's licked. Good thing he can also teleport! (He just forgot to mention it earlier) so he can get away unscathed.

Juggernaut wakes up, understandably prepared for another fight, but Rogue lets him go because, once again, they aren't the law, and they know Juggernaut isn't responsible here. Which makes them better than most school principals who would have said "It takes two to fight" and suspended both Juggernaut and Nimrod.

The X-Men beat their own retreat, once again forced to confront the fact that they went and tried to do the right thing, likely made life harder for themselves, and would probably do it all the same again if it came down to it.

In an epilogue, Nimrod has drawn the attention of one Colonel Vashin of the KGB, who is sympathetic toward the X-Men, knowing they have saved the world numerous times. He watches from afar as the U.S. Government appears bound and determined to sacrifice that advantage - against, say, a world-threatening menace like Magneto - on ideological grounds.

Further Thoughts:

Here was a fine first round for the X-Men against their new foe, which provides an example of what TV Tropes calls "The Worf Effect." Worf was a character on the series Star Trek: The Next Generation. As a Klingon he was, ostensibly, the most physically powerful of the main cast*, which meant that anytime some big new enemy boarded the ship, or met them when they beamed down, the first thing they did was grab Worf by the throat and chokeslam him across the room. It happens in like 80 out of 200 episodes they did.**

*Yeah, I know Data's stronger, but he's not really a fighty guy

 ** Don't check that.

So here in the X-Men, as soon as Nimrod hits the scene, the Juggernaut is offered up as a sacrifice to put him over as the big new threat in town. I do note that there's some measure of overkill in Nimriod's abilities, but sometimes you've got to lay it on thick. Think of it this way: Nimrod's from the future. His creators have had decades to think about the different mutants he might encounters. (In reality too, since he's, you know, created by Chris Claremont.)

The issue succeeds in breaking the ice between the X-Men and Nimrod, although it doesn't quite make as much out of the X-Men's individual arcs (Nightcrawler's discomfort as leader, Rachel's post traumatic stress) as the previous issue did. This is all too quick for that. Besides the cutesy "morning routine" montage, there isn't much of the individual X-Men in this.

But it's cool to see Rogue merging all the other X-Men's powers as a last resort, continuing the thread of people willingly giving of themselves to her that started with Storm some time ago.

We also get an interlude of Storm, now in Kenya; she intervenes when a blonde safari guy, Andreas, gets too fresh with a local server, and fends both him and his sister off.

But no matter what else happens, I want it on the record that the main focus of this story should have been on Rachel's David Bowie look.

Love it.