X-MEN ANNUAL #12: Resurrection!

Can the X-Men help the High Evolutionary restore the Savage Land?

Originally Published October 1988

We open with a rush of wind...

Storm is motoring fast on her winds, blowing through X-town like a hurricane, which causes Longshot -- hollow-boned as he is -- to get swept up in the whirlwind.

Dazzler, seeing this, comes to her teammate's aid, using her powers to blast off like a rocket to grab him and slow his descent. How noble.

Of course, those of us who have been paying close attention to Alison's interactions with Longshot know that it's because she seeks to do the no-pants dance with our resident Mojoworlder.

Mutant Horniness aside, Storm's actions are a matter of some concern to the crew. Where is she going at such a speed, and why? Luckily, they quickly discern that Storm is headed due south, and there's only one thing south of Australia, and I'm not talking Tasmania.

Yes folks, the Savage Land -- lush forests, bare-chested tribal hunks and babes, and all the Pterodactyl you can eat. That's the life.

With Rogue following Storm in pursuit, the other X-Men let their human warp whistle Gateway send them straight to the endzone on this one. So they arrive and find those lush forests and--

A smoldering crater??! What the dang hell??

Yes, what was once a veritable Jurassic Park is now more like a Jurassic parking lot. They have Longshot use his psychometry on some debris to ascertain what, exactly, has happened here, so if you had money on "No, that power actually does come up again" step up to the window and collect your winnings.

It seems the Savage Land was attacked by some gigantic foe, obliterating everything on sight. The X-Men are shaken by the suddenness and totality of the destruction, particularly Peter, who had a bit of a fling with a Savage Lander named Nereel way way way way way way way back in Uncanny X-Men #114. 

Now, you may be thinking "But Scotto, that comic was published a decade ago! And was utterly forgettable to boot!" And that is correct. But you know what comic was more recent? Classic X-Men #22, which reprinted that story and was published in good old summer 1988. So you see, nostalgia is not jist something Buzzfeed invented.

Anyway, the X-Men are not alone here.

Meet the High Evolutionary! He's a longtime fixture of Marvel Comics whose "deal" is that he's super into genetics and stuff. You would think that means his path might have crossed with the X-Men at some point before now, but actually he's more of a Fantastic Four guy. Maybe he doesn't like politics in his comics.

Anyway, he's on the scene, looking for signs of life, and excited like Wall-E to find a flower has survived the holocaust, when all of a sudden--

It's Terminus, bitch!

And you might be thinking, who is Terminus? And my answer to you is, 'I don't know.' But obviously he's huge and he destroyed the Savage Land, so, you know, he's definitely one of the Marvel Universe's Top 30 Under 30 (metres tall.)

The X-Men, correctly identifying Terminus as the source of their problem, throw their combined might at him, only to be laughed off like a younger brother threatening to beat up his older brother. He has all the zappy beams you could ask for, plus his armor is too thick and self-repairing for Wolverine's claws to do much damage.

That is, until Storm arrives to give him the Big Bad Wolf treament:

The ole' huff-n-puff never fails

With Terminus soundly defeated, the X-Men confer with their new friend. They know the name of the High Evolutionary, and had thought he was dead, but you know, they're ones to talk. High Ev states his purpose: to restore the Savage Land to its prior glory.

Evolutionary agrees to take Havok back to his base to confirm he's on the level, since he has something of a reputation for shady, villainesque business. But to Havok, the High Evolutionary seems like a great guy, whose ambition and perseverance put him in a class with Charles Xavier himself!

Are we sure Alex isn't brainwashed again?

Havok also meets Evo's lovely assistant with the big hair, whom he might recognize -- if he had read Classic X-Men #22 recently -- as Zaladane, a big mover and shaker in the Savage Land who is always up to no good.

Back at base camp, Dazzler has noticed that Longshot has gone missing -- he wandered off and fell into a hole in reality, as he is like to do in these Annuals. Wolverine is able to track him and...

As it just so happens, Storm has a crystal -- the cameo crystal -- which is able to open and enlarge the portal to the other dimension. And through it comes...

Yes, that's right, it's C'jime, famous star of the backup story of Classic X-Men #22! You know, the one where Storm, whilst in the Savage Land, falls into another dimension and befriends its ruler M'rin, who resides in a ship that C'jime carries on his back. Who could forget??

And look, the gang's all here, as M'rin had rescued many of the Savage Landers from certain doom! Even Peter gets to have a heartwarming reunion!

But the joy is short-lived, as Terminus re-awakens and the fight resumes, this time with the Warhound and the whole might of M'rin's ship on the X-Men's side.

The X-Men's big plan is for Rogue to smooch Longshot (over Dazzler's protests) and use his luck to fire herself at him at full force.

Hey Terminus -- how's your head?

It works, and she manages to get inside Termy's big glass dome only to find...

That's right, go ahead and dig that copy of Classic X-Men #22 out again for an autograph because it's Garokk, the Petrified Man! (*thunderous applause from the audience, I can only assume*)

From there it's a simple matter of hitting Terminus (or the armour that represents Terminus) with a combo blast...

And the villain is toast.

Storm, for her part, is relieved to have another chance to play out her failed rescue of Garokk from their first meeting  floating him safely to the ground, but Garokk actually remembers nothing of what he was doing in this Terminus armor and is horrified to find that he may have been the ravager of his beloved Savage Land.

Evolutionary discerns that Garokk was not the one piloting the armor when the Savage Land is destroyed, thus absolving him, although we don't know who is responsible or anything about what did happen. Plus, the real Terminus might still be out there.

But at least we get to take a breather, as Colossus gets reacquainted with Nereel, who is now Chief of the Fall People, and her rugrat son, whose name just happens to be Peter.

If it seems confusing how Peter could possibly fail to put two and two together, let the record show that they are artificially aged up due to time moving differently in M'rin's realm, so, you know, the kid could be anybody's. At least, anybody named Peter.

Anyway, High Evolutionary and Garokk put a deal together to use the Petrified Man's powers to fuel Evolutionary's big machine that will restore the Savage Land. And yes, the process will kill Garokk, but he's died two or three times already, so what's one more?

And that's all well and good, but something isn't sitting right with Wolverine.

And of course, he's not wrong. Up in the balcony, Zaladane makes it clear she's got her own agenda.

"Evolutionary War" is the name of this event!

And of course, High Evolutionary knows that Zaladane is planning a double cross, but he doesn't care, he's got his own thing going on.

With that, the X-Men help re-establish the tribes of the Savage Land, doing their usual bit of mind wiping so nobody knows they were around.

Later, Ka-Zar comes back, having been out of town for the whole destruction and rebirth of the Savage Land. He's a little surprised to find the tribes are now united as a single people, and I'm surprised to see him wearing cargo shorts, so we're all even.

When his wife Shanna asks about the symbol on the obelisk, you know the one that the X-Men are trying hard to make a thing these days, Nereel can only say that the people who helped them were "legends."

Further Thoughts:

This comic was the first in a stretch where Marvel was using their big king-size annuals to promote some giant crossover event or another. This is actually part seven of this eleven-part event, drawing in everyone from the X-Men to Spider-Man to the Punisher, but only for one part of the story at a time, meaning the X-Men are effectively guest stars in the High Evolutionary's story. And if you think I'm going to read ten more comics just to get the full picture of what the High Evolutionary is up to, you've got another think coming. The High Evolutionary is simply not a draw for me. I don't even like typing his ungainly name over and over! And while it's entirely possible someone picked up this comic and desperately had to know what happened next between The High Evolutionary and Zaladane, I polled 100 people on the street and they all said "no."

While this comic may not match the greatness of the past three Annuals -- as a sliver of a larger story it would be impossible to, as with Terminus, High Evolutionary and Zaladane all bumbling around woth no context it makes virtually no attempt to -- it's a fun little revisit to some X-Men lore, which manages to find time for some interesting character moments, like Havok's awful judgment of character, Peter's obliviousness at siring a child, and Dazzler's increasing horniness for Longshot.

Ultimately, it's actually kind of interesting as an object of study, as the X-Men intersect with the Evolutionary in their beloved Savage Land. If you are intrigued, you can seek out the rest of the story, but if not I don't think any harm is done. It becomes this nifty artifact of the fullness of the "Marvel" story, where you never quite reach the beginning and can never quite examine every single way it branches off. (Unless you're Douglas Wolk.) It also acts as something of an advertisement for Classic X-Men, since it's becoming more and more imperative that you check out the backup stories in that comic to get the fullest-fully-full details of all your favourite X-Men's lives and adventures.

Word up!

We won't be doing that here, but maybe on Patreon.

I'm of two minds when it comes to this kind of fractured storytelling. I'm a little fascinated just to look at the X-Men's corner of a bigger story, but it can also be frustrating if you happen to be a completist. It's not great, but that's the game, where there's money to be made tying the X-Men together with a larger bunch of Marvel goings-on to try to lift all the sales across the line. I wonder if, when the time comes around next, I'll have to start skipping Annuals because there will be no way to make sense of them on their own and no reason to cover them. I'll have to make a judgment call. And speaking of weighing commercial prospects against organic storytelling...

Don't touch that dial, we get a bonus backup story with Mojo!

Seems Moj' is a little miffed about what happened with the X-Men, providing an overview worthy of this site:

As I had been wondering, Mojo's secret Psylocke-eye cameras have gone black since the X-Men's deaths, resulting in a huge ratings crash. Major Domo -- Mojo's assistant -- informs him that the people are still hungry for X-Men content, and aren't satisfied with reruns. To remedy this, he calls on his Brain Trust...

Who just so happen to resemble the creative and editorial team making this very comic! 

Bearded Writer Man takes Mojo to task for going for quantity over quality, which is met with an appropriate response...

Dark-haired Colorist Woman suggests that they just get some replacement X-Men, which inspires Mojo to have an idea of his own:

This leads to a classic ha-ha-larious montage of possible takes on the X-Men, from Sexy Dames--

To robots in cognito--

To Legs Legs Legs--

With each option, Mojo sends them through a trap door operated by Blonde Letter-Spinning 80's Model Lady.

Right, well, after this, you know there's really only one option left...

Mojo is more than a little miffed, especially at the sight of Li'l Longshot, whom he zaps into a headshot. The X-Babies manage to evade the trapdoor, and fend off the Trademark Police...

In all the scuffle, baby Psylocke and Wolvie rescue Ricochet Rita, Longshot's sometime partner-in-crime, from the prow of the ship (where she is being used as a figurehead) but Mojo corners them all and threatens to eat them, until Major Domo comes in with some news:

The X-Babies are a hit, which means Mojo loves them! And as Mojo considers all the marketing and cross-promotional possibilities, Wolvie sneaks away and...

Love a can't-must moment! There should be one in every issue!

With that, it looks like the X-Babies are on the loose, who knows where those terrific tykes will turn up next?

Further Further Thoughts:

I know Mojo is a divisive figure as an X-Men villain, but I always appreciate the deconstruction and cultural commentary he brings to an appearance like this. This was a great usage for him as a lighthearted backup story and a way to re-introduce the X-Babies after their last adventure (where they were simply temporarily de-aged X-Men) so that now those marketing possibilities can be made real -- don't you just love having your cake and eating it too?

I know Mojo is an affront to the serious business of world-saving superhero comics, but a good Mojo appearance has as much or more to say about the world we live in than a clash with the Brood or a the Reavers. It's just another way the creative team can explore ideas and add commentary to both give the proceedings a little levity, and a little bit of purpose, the way only satire can.

If you can believe it, there's actually even more content to this issue -- the last several pages are given over to part seven of an eleven-part serialized history of The High Evolutionary, in a blatant attempt to further exploit The High Evolutionary's rampant popularity even further. The story concerns The High Evolutionary's ghost wizard friend Magnus, his army of animal-human hybrids, a disembodied demon and features the birth of future X-Men characters Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch in the latest attempt to backfill their origins -- all of which serves to prove the old axiom that The High Evolutionary is always the least interesting part of any story he's in.

Oddly enough, you just know The High Evolutionary would be into this.