UNCANNY X-MEN #262: Scary Monsters

Forge's Weird War Tales

Originally Published Jun 1990

We begin in the catacombs beneath the X-Mansion where Banshee and Forge have tracked the mysterious cadre of monsters -- twisted X-Men lookalikes -- that have assaulted and abducted Jean Grey.

Okay, there are some visible differences between them and the real X-Men

Unfortunately, there's some disagreement over how to handle the situation: there's no way of knowing if tranquilizers will be effective, but you can't question corpses. Ultimately, they launch a non-lethal assault but the targets slip away with teleportation, leaving Grey behind.

Topside, they fit Jean Grey (presumably after she has come-to) with a fancy new X-Men Thong uniform, which the men explain, despite its wedgifying appearance, boasts an impressive new form of body armor and environmental conditioning.

Also heels for the ladies, because of course.

These are, of course, the work of Horny Moira, who has been besotted lately with a covert desire to see everyone's rippling buttocks. Jean notes that something seemed off about Moira the last time they spoke. Banshee confirms that Moira has been a wee trifle suspicious lately, so their current operation is top secret, and asks Jean to help them continue the ruse that they died in a plane crash so as to not incur any unwanted attention from possibly-evil sexually-liberated Moira.

Banshee explains that they're looking for the X-Men, whom they have reason to believe are still alive. Jean happens to have some info on that.

Banshee is shocked that Jean has had contact with them and didn't say anything, but Jean and Forge point out that that's literally the exact thing Sean was asking Jean to do for them.

Forge is shockingly blasé about this news considering he was kinda responsible for their deaths in the first place.

With that settled, Banshee and Forge go on to explain they're trying to protect the X-Men from Donald Pierce and his band of killer cyborgs, which leads us to an interlude featuring said 'borgs. Why? Because...

As it happens, the Reavers have turned their sights on Donald Pierce's former associate Emma Frost, attacking installations owned by her company, hoping to get her attention 

Back at the X-Mansion, Jean is shocked to learn of the full-frontal assault on Muir Island, and offers to evacuate the island's residents to X-Factor's ship, the highly advanced aircraft (spacecraft?) they got from Apocalypse.

Which is all well and good, but again, we think Moira might be evil now, so it's a real fox-chicken-grain situation. 

Jean is also alarmed that Forge and Banshee were going to seal up the X-Mansion against everybody, including X-Factor, but Sean argues that they didn't know what to make of anything X-Factor's up to these days and it's better to be safe than sorry and they could fix it later. After all, there's one more loose end: Callisto was sent back to New York on a mission and never returned. And hey ,do you think those monsters downstairs grabbed her?

Jean tries to call in X-Factor for backup, but the rest of the team is Out of Office for the time being. She's just about to have ship pick them up, but the moment they step outside the briefing room...

In Washington, DC, Val Cooper is with the President's Chief of Staff Seward as they welcome, via Pipeline, the Genoshan Former Minister and Chief Magistrate Anderson.

The Genoshans seek the return of a "module" 4817 -- known to us as Jenny Ransome, as well as the treasonous Philip Moreau. Val Cooper protests that the United States fought a war to end slavery, which Anderson counters they didn't, it was about states' rights vs. federal, and that the abolition of slavery came later, in reference to the Emancipation Proclamation, which was made after the war was started. 

Now, should you encounter this line of thinking in the real world, bear in mind that it is technically correct -- the cause of the civil war was, on paper, the southern states chafing at measures taken to prevent them from expanding their influence in the senate, and was not really all that altruistic at the outset for the north. But what was the issue that formed the wedge between the north and south? Slavery, duh, which was already deeply unpopular in many parts of the country (along with being deeply popular in others) from the start, and had been handled, shall we say, delicately in legislative matters whenever the time came to add new states, mostly as a way of preserving the union and preventing the war everyone knew was coming for a half-century. So it's kind of a chicken-and-egg thing, and while Anderson isn't wrong, she's not right either.

That's all beside the point, however. The Genoshans do not think Mutants are People at all and insist on their right to treat them as property of the state. The Minister throws some weight around: Genosha, though small, is a powerful ally and extremely wealthy to boot. There's actually some really interesting implications here for those who follow international affairs closely, although I'm not the one to speak on them. The "mutants as race" metaphor is getting a bit mucky at times, but questions of diplomatic fealty and realpolitik are very much legitimate, since there are countries in the world tlday that we in the west rely on for various resources -- crude oil, cheap labor -- with policies that would make any good-hearted person cringe, but that seemingly we must accept as a fact of life. Really makes you think doesn't it?

Privately, the Chief of Staff and Val worry that the Genoshans are preparing for all-out war to retrieve their "property," and, being that they have such deep resources, they may be able to win.

Um....... sure.

Speaking of war, Forge is reliving his own as he descends into the bowels of the X-Complex in search of his friends and their abductors. As he does, he relives his complicated history in the Vietnam war, how he joined up as a specific rebuke of his tribal elders (in particular, Nazé) in search of glory. Of course, glory was in short supply during the 'Nam, and Forge had to do some incredibly morally compromising things.

Down a ways in Soho -- or is it Tribeca -- the art world celebrates its latest find. Humble handyman Peter Nicholas (formerly the X-Men's Colossus) has emerged, rather suddenly, as the toast of the town.

Only a true big shot could pull off that ponytail and cowboy boots.

However, with all this attention, Peter can't get his mind off the mysterious billboard woman who inspired him in the first place. It's fitting too, as she puts in an appearance at the party, before slipping away. Peter chases after her, but she vanishes, even after Jenny Ransome somewhat conspicuously tears a car apart to find her.

That night, she appears once more at Peter's door.

Unfortunately, she's not alone.

Back in his reminiscences, Forge recalls the time he was approached by a representative of Nick Fury -- the future Hardcase himself, Harry Malone -- to join up with SHIELD. Forge declines out of a sense of duty to his squad, but thinks now, perhaps if he had accepted, they would have fared better, and also the portal to the other dimension never would have opened, letting the Adversary free to roam the Earth.

Woulda-shoulda-coulda, right?

Forge's reverie is interrupted however, when a sneak attack from the Super Creeps sends him tumbling head-over-thong. 

Forge fends off these off-brand X-people, wondering about the inconsistencies between their current appearances and their last known status. Could they really be the X-Men, and X-Factor?

Makes as much sense as anything

He's rescued in the nick of time by Banshee, but Forge is confused as to why Sean is using his fists, rather than his trademark sonic scream to beat back the attackers. He gets a clear shot at one of them -- pointedly resembling Storm -- and the monsters scamper away to safety.

As Forge reflects on the life he just took, Jean speaks from the darkness. Of course that isn't the real Storm. Jean confirms that she and Banshee are all right, all things considered, but of course, Sean can't come to the phone right now (and not because he's dead.)

They're going through changes...

To be continued!

Further Thoughts:

So, of course, given the opportunity, our writer bestows a character with a set of tentacles as a form of body-horror modification. Because why not?

To this day, when you speak of the 1990 "X-Men minus X-Men" direction, you'll get responses of frustration and exhaustion, or at best indifference, but I'll defend it again as a really intriguing long-term story that is enjoyable with years of hindsight, but understandably not something the monthly (or occasionally biweekly) comic reader could be expected to sit still for. 

Nevertheless, to this day, you see examples of this same kind of storytelling more and more prominently -- just this past spring, we saw the return of Stranger Things, which makes a point of segregating numerous characters into their own quests before joining together in the end, or at least acting in unknowing synchronicity. Forge and Banshee are looking for Callisto, who has been captured by Masque and is currently flitting about with Colossus/Peter, who is rooming with the Genoshans, who are wanted by their state. It's actually pretty solid and I kind of dig it. There's a concerted effort in these comics to take advantage of a wider view, which has more in common with modern "decompressed" comics than with the monthly adventures of the past, and while Claremont's X-Men always had this long view of storylines, dividing and recombining the X-Men as they mingle with a variety of villains whose means, motives and effects on the heroes can intertwine, gives this approach a new dimension. In my opinion it's underrated as far as seeing where sequential storytelling was headed. 

At this time, the spotlight shines on Forge. I particularly enjoy his dynamic with Banshee as two veterans, one pragmatic, one more idealistic, but not so far apart that they're totally clashing. Although I don't always love what Forge represents as an Indigenous person "caught between" the modern world and that of his ancestors, a lot of focus and attention goes into making him a multi-dimensional character with a haunted past and his own motivations.

As far as Genosha goes, theoretically Philip and Jenny should have status as refugees that would, as far as I know, supersede any attempts by Genosha to get them extradited, and any attempt of military action to reclaim them would be totally unprecedented in our world, but for the sake of there being a story, let's imagine Genosha as a place that would have the resources to make the United States consider its position. The exile of Jenny and Philip sadly undoes the ambiguous happy ending of the original Genosha storyline where it may have looked like brighter days were ahead, but that's reflective of reality where change often comes slowly if at all, against a world that desperately does not want it.