X-MEN #29: Return to Hellfire!

Warren and Betsy hit the Club... and the Club hits back!

Originally Published March 1994 

I have to admit, I don't really feel like spending much time talking about this issue.

I mean, it's bound to happen, right? I've ingested the equivalent of 30 years of X-Men comics, written the equivalent of 7 books on the subject, spent countless hours poring over every issue, every panel, every dialogue balloon to wring out the interesting bits and craft pithy comments about it for your and my enjoyment. Every once in a while, and not even as often as you'd think, there's going to be a dud. One that simply does not ignite my creative spark.

Especially now that we're covering two monthly X-Men titles. Quality control is bound to go down. They can't all be winners, truly. That's not a reflection on Fabian Nicieza or Andy Kubert's efforts here. They wrote and drew the exact issue they needed to, to hit the stands in early 1994. They've got the big wedding coming up next month, so maybe they were a little more concerned with other things.

It begins with Psylocke having a sparring match against Sabretooth. Betsy was kind of punked out in that arena in the previous issue so this gives her a chance to shine, and she does, with the story making sure to emphasize that she can match the killer blow for blow and coming out on top. They still don't make much of the fact that Betts and Victor have a bit of shared history, but even so it's clear that Psylocke's martial ability has increased dramatically since their first encounter, along with a change in attitude.

Warren's feeling blue-- er, that is, lonely, especially after seeing Candy Southern die all over again, and also maybe he's a little horny for Betsy and her rock hard ninja body, but who isn't?

This issue is mainly about these two topics

Warren ends up getting invited to a 'do at the Hellfire Club, which of course we all know is not just a social club for rich weirdoes, but also occasionally an evil cabal bent on world domination and subjugation of mutantkind. Currently it's being run by Shinobi Shaw, Sebsatian's jerkwad son, whom we also know is one of the Upstarts, who are either petulant children trying to amuse themselves or a dangerous threat depending on the day. Warren goes back a ways with him.

Betsy of course is also a legacy member of the HC, much like Warren, being that she's from the British upper crust. So they decide to go and se what's what.

I mean, I would think people would have some questions about why Elizabeth Braddock is suddenly Japanese but no, it doesn't come up.

Neither does this guy (it's Night Thrasher -- read New Mutants!)

So, about thirty-seven seconds into the party, Warren and Betsy get zapped by Tessa, the enigmatic former cocktail waitress who knows where all the bodies are buried. Naturally, while unconscious, they are stripped and re-costumed as bit players from Hamilton for funsies.

Shinobi makes his pitch: hey, we both kind of hate our dads, but they're gone now, so why not team up as the new Inner Circle? It's a hard pass from Warren, though -- he only hates his dad a normal amount.

They have a fight that absolutely defines the term "impossible to care about" but I don't want to sell the issue short because it gives us a little bit of insight into Shinobi's character and leaves off on a somewhat ambiguous note about the hollowness of his pursuits when he's left alone with the meaningless signifiers of his status and ambition.

It isn't a great issue, but it makes the most of its lot.

But you know, let's be real: these comics aren't meant to be read 30 years later, for the purposes of picking them apart and feeding my nonsensical blog. Not everything is going to hold up over decades, nor should it have to, and frankly we've been fortunate that so much of it has.

I tell you, 51 weeks out of the year, I might have sat here at the computer and really tried to make a meal out of this, as I have so many times before, seeing it as my duty to give the full treatment to every issue of X-Men. But I suppose, like Shinobi, I feel a little empty about it for now.

So it's a little minor. Sometimes comics are just comics -- they don't really exist to be analyzed and scrutinized and riffed on endlessly by the lowly likes of me, although it's a lot cooler when they can be. Sometimes they're outrageous, sometimes they're beautiful, and sometimes they're just product. There's nothing wrong with poking at the Hellfire Club again with Shinobi's schemes. It isn't the kind of diversion we need right now when we're otherwise focused on the Summerses and the fallout from Xavier's actions, but it does give us a chance to check in on the complex feelings held by Psylocke and Archangel. That's not nothing.

As of this entry, I've written more posts about more issues since March than I have in any entire year of this blog, and though the posts tend to be a little skimpier, the wordcount is far outpacing my previous output. With twice the X-Men on the shelves to cover, fatigue is bound to set in from time to time. I wouldn't be surprised if we get a bit more of it in coming years, so I will try to be a bit more ready, willing and able to do my thing when it comes up again.

Tonight, well, I'll give myself the night off.