UNCANNY X-MEN #335: Apocalypse Lives!

The X-Men and the Avengers rally to take on Onslaught

Originally Published August 1996

Before we go further, we are admonished to not read this comic until after we have read Onslaught: X-Men, so if you haven't already done so, please go to your nearest corner store and pick up a copy, then read my coverage of it. I'll wait.

All set? Good. 

We begin with... oh, brother...

Look, I already used up my store of Ozymandias jokes last time so I don't know what you want me to say, but thankfully his presence is just to alert us that the big guy is back:

That's right, even though we're already completely occupied by a different Bigass Doomsday Villain, the forever-and-always final boss of the X-Men has awakened from his eternal slumber. You last saw him during 1995's Age of Apocalypse event where we got a glimpse into an alternate reality where he was running the show, but in this reality he hasn't been around since 1992's X-Cutioner's Song event where he was second banana to Stryfe and died pathetically on the moon. Apparently, a couple of years in a cave is all it takes to sleep that one off -- as Jean Grey could have told you.

Anyway, he's here because all the signs -- be which I mean Marvel's marketing department -- are pointing to one major happening to herald the end of the age of wonders, the brief blink of an eye where humans got superpowers. How do we know? Well, if it wasn't a big deal, would this guy be here??

At the once-again destroyed mansion, the Avengers arrive too late to be of any assistance. They fear that the X-Men are dead, but their tagalong hottie X-Man tells them he senses the X-Men, except for Xavier, who is evil.

The Avengers aren't completely on board with Nate's "Charles Xavier is the biggest bitch on the Astral Plane" smear campaign -- the Charles they know has only gone bad like twice. The X-Men, who are understandably rattled by the fact that their mentor did indeed try to kill them today, are a little standoffish when the Avengers arrive.

Nate is briefly distracted by the arrival of his hot aunt...

 

Oh yeah, and Madelyne Pryor is alive and kicking around in X-Man comics but we're not touching that one, homies.

Tensely, the X-Men try to explain exactly what's going on, who is Onslaught and what is his connection to Professor X and -- to the best of their knowledge -- Magneto.

I regret to inform you this shit is funny

On Muir Isle, Excalibur sits around talking about how this whole affair affects Excalibur, and how they should expect some special guest stars soon, so be sure to pick up that comic.

Back at Xavier's, Bishop sulks over the fact that his single-minded pursuit of Gambit as a suspect in the X-Traitor case left him blind to the very real possibility that it was Xavier himself who turned against his own dream. Gambit consoles him by saying "Honestly, you weren't wrong, you just weren't right."

In the Room of War, the X-Men present a slideshow demonstrating what they know about Onslaught -- that he is a being of pure psionic energy, and he may be the unholy lovechild of Charles and Magneto.

Everyone gets their assignments: Jean and Scott will go to Muir and Excalibur, Nate will stay here with X-Force, someone will reach out to the Fantastic Four and warn them about the danger to their son. Then there's the matter of Magneto, whose body is somewhere on Earth, probably, and Cable might be important. Also, Wolverine is going to go off and do Wolverine things since he's got his own book to fill. Vision bids him farewell with some philosophizing about whether there truly is any difference between "human" and "mutant." And I guess other than the superpowers and the institutional persecution, there's not.

Archangel and Psylocke, drawn back into the fray after a refreshing two weeks off, are headed to Muir Island as well, presumably to say hi to Betsy's brother. They wonder whether their exposure to the Crimson Dawn has changed them deep down. The answer is yes, obviously.

Lastly, Beast shows Onslaught his underground lab where he experimented on the Morlocks for many years. Slaught us satisfied but annoyed by Beast's exposition since as a telepath of the highest order, he needs no explanation. Anyway, yes, they are going to launch their campaign of world domination from a storm drain.

But deep within Onslaught we get a glimpse that the Xavier that is good kind of a jerk but well-meaning, is still buried within fighting his heel turn.

Further Thoughts:

After kicking off in the biggest possible way, this issue throttles back the action to set up the numerous tie-ins that you can and should be following to get the complete story on Onslaught. There's not much to it from a content perspective but if you're into X-Men in 1996 and you're into Onslaught so far, this is a perfectly cromulent slice of necessary story before the whole thing branches out in a half-dozen different directions. They even hauled out Apocalypse and Ozymandias and the Watcher to underline that some big cosmic doings are transpiring. As far as comics that are all surface go, this one has a glossy, appealing sheen to it that makes it clear what everyone is doing and where they need to be to participate in the effort to take down this big monster baddie.

X-Man -- a name I can't even believe anyone would use in-universe -- is probably the thing that came out of the Age of Apocalypse that I understand and care about the least, but wherever he goes he's supposed to be a big deal psychic. I kind of like how, as an immigrant to this reality, he's already more suspicious of Charles than everyone else and has been beating this "Xavier is a bad guy" drum from the get-go.