X-MEN #70: Homecoming

The X-Men come home, and things go about as well as ever!

Originally Published December 1997

We begin with Iceman and his gal pals luge-ing their way back to the Mansion having defeated the forces of intolerance with the power of [stalling until the government came to their senses and intervened.]

Marrow is exhilarated by the ride, but Cecilia is so distraught she threatens to penetrate Bobby's urethra in retaliation.

Which I'm pretty sure would cost her her much-prized medical license. But it would be satisfying, no?

Before the squad has even entered the mansion, Cece and Marrow are at each other's throats over their differing philosophies of life, with Reyes deep in the politics of respectability and Marrow more of an outspoken revolutionary and/or terrorist.

Bobby, who has left his keys in his other frozen banana stand, uses his ice powers to pop the door open and show the girls...

That's right, nothing. The place has been stripped down to the studs as Bastion went full Grinch on Professor X's Whoville ass, except he didn't have the decency to come back and carve the roast beast.

Bobby is gooped of course, and Cecilia is alarmed that she seems to have given up everything she worked for for an empty dwelling (it has a certain minimalist charm, don't you think?) But before she can cry too much about it, some more compatriots make a splashy entrance.

I actually quite like Jean's psi-Phoenix effect there.

These X-Men are ready to hit the ground running. Cyclops has a bomb in his breadbasket and there's no time to lose in getting him to the infirmary. Gangway, randos!

Unfortunately, there is no infirmary, as they soon discover. Who could possibly step in and save Cyclops' life? Who I ask?

Meanwhile, someone approaches -- someone hauling an estate lawyer over his shoulder for some nefarious purpose.

Back at the mansion, Cecilia swallows her pride and springs into action, displaying some of her famous Bronx bedside manner which will win her many friends here.

After a quick telepathic touchbase explaining how she got here and the whole Bastion thing, Cecilia springs into triage mode, assigning various roles to all the X-People present.

As Storm collects a bucket of medical-grade water, she and Marrow -- the woman she murdered not too long ago -- have a talk about their feelings about their surroundings, which in this case seems to be the Great Valley from The Land Before Time.

Just as things get underway with the first incision, there's an unexpected knock at the door, heralding the arrival of perhaps the last person the X-Men want to see on their doorstep at this particular time...

That's right, it's not just the Juggernaut, it's Weekend Cain! 

Cain has to scrape together a few bucks to help his "friend" Black Tom with somethingorother, so he's asserting his legal right to the Xavier Mansion. Storm, however, doesn't have the energy for this, so she dismisses him summarily.

Take it up with Judge Judy

Elsewhere, Marrow and Cannonball have some very one-sided flirty talk.

Not now, weird bone lady I just met!!

Juggernaut rallys, returning in full Cyttorak Geish, delighted to realize that the place has been cleared out and the X-Men are deep on the backfoot, meaning he can probably just squash them once and for all and take the place. Storm pleas for mercy but Juggernaut is rather unsympathetic.

However, he's stopped in his tracks by the other other X-Men and their new rando.

And Trish's push-up bra

(Not present, for reasons unknown, are Warren and Betsy.)

Unfortunately, while they duke it out with Juggy, the triage team realizes that the bomb is self-reproducing nanotech, and Jean can't keep Scott "under" any more, so shit is starting to get very real.

In the chaos, Storm asks what happened to Remy, and Rogue gives an incredibly ambiguous answer that would beg further investigation at any other time.

Hank joins Dr. Reyes in surgery, and she is glad for it, until she catches sight of her new colleague and is somewhat thrown.

Back in the foyer, with Joseph busy administering magnetic anesthetic (magnets, how do they work?) Maggott is the only thing standing between the X-Men and utter destruction by Juggernaut, with the help of his little gastropod friends and his abundant supply of South African slang.

Juggernaut is so terrified by Eany and Meany he runs at the sight of them.

Things are getting worse for Cyclops, as they have to remove the bomb before it expands instantaneously, smothering everyone in a radius. Wolverine takes the opportunity to pin it on Trish Tilby, who as a member of the media had fanned the flames of hysteria -- but in her defense, she got boffo ratings out of it.

Trish runs off in tears, which is distracting to her boyfriend Hank, who is currently trying to focus on a life-saving surgery.

Cecilia needs tools to excise the bomb, but the only thing available is...

Before long, the surgery is a success, but what to do with the still-dangerous bomb?

Luckily, they have one guy around who is, in effect, an all-purpose garbage disposal.

Before long, Scott is on the mend, and even musters up the strength to welcome Cecilia to the X-Men...

Whether she wants to be one or not.

With the immediate danger passed, everyone has a chance to feel their feelings about everything that's gone on lately.

With Marrow settling in nicely and making sure Cannonball knows she's down to clown.

I'm uncomfortable.

Can these X-Men pull back together and co-exist? We'll have to wait and see!

Further Thoughts:

Although writers and collaborators have come and gone throughout the 90's, it's been a long while since the X-Men have had a full-fledged regime change. Scott Lobdell, who wrote the lion's share of X-Men stories from 1992 until now, has left the building, leaving new writers Steve Seagle and, in this case, Joe Kelly, to wrap up the stories he started and transition us to something new.

Pictured: Something New

I think Kelly accomplished this, reuniting the dispersed X-Men and their new associates under one (admittedly rickety and unfurnished) roof. The issue is fittingly chaotic -- it would have been cheap and easy for the X-Men to be able to come home, sit down to a picnic and go "Wow, how was your week?" Instead we have frontier medicine on top of personality clashes and then the Juggernaut comes calling.

This was an ambitious swing, to manage so many simultaneous crises. Nothing ratchets up the drama like a medical emergency, especially one where the resources aren't even there to give basic treatment (one of the great early episodes of LOST was "Do No Harm" in which Jack performs jungle surgery on a dying Boone.) In the way that it was so in-the-moment while also introducing new characters, this one reminded me of the Mutant Massacre period where the X-Men were constantly under fire and they lost/gained various new members.

The good is that Joe Kelly does it well. The issue is fittingly intense, and it's a very full 40-pages without having to rely on too many extraneous subplots or cutaways. Carlos Pacheco keeps it nice and claustrophobic, the action all jumbling together (complimentary.) Our newbies, Cecilia, Marrow and Maggott all get to participate in the action, arguably moreso than several veterans, with this being the showcase for Reyes' medical knowledge. That's good -- when you've introduced a new character you want to show what they can do and who they are, and nobody can say we don't know what these three can do (I'm still not sure who Maggott "is" though.) Kelly's scripting of the other X-Men does have a slight hitch in transition from the writer who has stewarded them for most of the decade, which will happen with any transition; the best and worst you can say about that is that the renderings are on brand, consistent and on-paper correct if not exceptionally well-defined. Storm thanks Mother Earth for rain, Jean pleads for her husband's life, Wolverine is curmudgeonly. Everyone is doing what they are supposed to do. Hopefully Kelly finds an even more confident footing later.

I often say that literally every issue with the Juggernaut is a banger, going back to his first silver age appearances. This was no exception. Cain is, at the end of the day, a very everyday person with his own thing going on, when not suiting up and menacing the X-Men and other heroes. It was fun to get him inserting himself into the action because he wants something he should want, which is very inconvenient for our heroes. 

Juggernaut no-sells the idea of facing down with Maggott, rightly laughing off the idea of being threatened by a pair of giant slugs. We might as well introduce that as the litmus test for new X-Men: What would happen if this person met the Juggernaut? Mind you, they don't have to be able to take him down themselves (that's pretty demonstrably impossible) but ideally it would not induce guffaws. Though helpful in the end, Maggott is still the least-defined of the n00bs, and with a power that would seem perhaps not the most versatile. It will be interesting to see how he is incorporated in future stories.

It bodes ill for Maggott's fortunes though -- you only have a small window to determine if this is a serious player or a joke character who sometimes comes in handy, and that window is closing fast. 

As noted, this was the showcase for Cecilia, who takes charge with her medical knowledge and organizes everybody. That's good. What's not so good is that it's still very clear that she does not want to be here. Putting up a resistance to the heroic lifestyle at first is perfectly realistic, but at a certain point you need your characters to either want to be in the story you're telling, or at least make peace with the fact that they are there. Cecilia's negativity is way overcranked from "reluctant participant" to "hostage." I would like it if she saw this as an extension of her duty of care and not an inconvenient distraction from her life's work. She doesn't think saving the world from evil mutants is as real and as important as working in an E.R.? Well in this universe it is and to us, the readers, it is. Otherwise what are we doing?

Cecilia, you get one dramatic sulk in the rain, and that's it. 

The X-Men have often been defined by internal strife -- more than other superteams they've banded together not out of mutual respect or familial connection but because of a mutual need that leaves room for personality clashes. That makes for great drama, but at the end of the day you can't overdo it because you need your super team to get down to business and be super. Joe Kelly didn't create Cecilia (or Marrow or Maggott) so based on this I am interested to see if he's able to course correct while staying true to the characters.