X-MEN #86: Thanks for the Memories

Joseph meets his maker

Originally Published March 1999

We begin with a jaunt down memory lane as Joseph recalls, for the first time, the circumstances surrounding the fall of Avalon, something only Magneto would know.

Our silver-topped sex symbol has been jolted into remembering such things by Asta, the mysterious woman who has kidnapped him from Israel and claims to be his mother. But she corrects him that he's not remembering his memories.

It couldn't be more simple

So, Joseph surmises, he really is a clone, but Mama Astra pish-poshes that as being a tad reductive.

Astra takes us back to the beginning -- like, the beginning of the beginning, as she was apparently the Pete Best of the Brotherhood, leaving before things really got rolling on their "conquer the hymans" agenda. For someone we've never heard of before today, she sure has a lot of opinions about how Magneto choses to run his camp.

Speaking of whom, we see the genuine article Master of Magnetism seemingly triumphant as he blasts magnetism all over the globe.

At the arctic circle, the X-Men wander the tundra, the magnetic storm messing with their powers in various ways. Nightcrawler cannot teleport Wolverine onto the nearby Acolyte ship, and Colossus' metal body becomes a freakish attractor of static electricity.

This is why you always wipe your hands after pumping gas.

In Genosha, a mutant expert named Dr. Huxley is dispatched to treat with Magneto.

Back at Joe Mama's house, Astra explains that she -- somehow or other -- managed to restore Magneto's mind and download a transporter copy of his body (you know, like on Star Trek!) as well as create a younger, feistier, hotter version... which, I cannot stress enough, is not a clone.

Said duplication, being younger and something of an airhead, would inherently lack the self-imposed psychological limitations a mature mutant like Magnus would have. And you thought he was just a pretty face!

Back on the Acolytes' ship, the Magneto Kids Club debates letting their enemies freeze to death outside. They wonder whether the X-Men wouldn't do the same to them, which of course they know they wouldn't because the X-Men literally saved their lives on at least one occasion.

Facing almost-insurmountable psychic static, Xavier manages to come through in a psychic vision and try to convince the Acolytes that Magneto's really on one this time and may end up doing irreparable harm to human-mutant relations. The Acolytes argue that "so what," and remind him that they were all remanded to the authorities the last time they met. Charlies points out that they went willingly, but they're still salty about it, and show him the door.

Back at their makeshift camp, the X-Men squabble over what to do next, with Wolverine favoring making a move -- any move. Charles disagrees, saying they can't just charge in half-cocked. Wolverine takes exception to the insinuation about his level of cock.

Nevertheless, Charles indicates he seems to have the situation more in hand than it appears.

At the U.N., Ambassadors Haller and Grigorev debate Magneto's "anticipatory strike." Gabrielle says that both sides bear some blame, which... maybe she should just sit this one out. Grigorev once again invokes the sinking of the Leningrad, which occurred in a comic from seventeen and a half years ago.

At that very moment, a Russian ice-cutter launches two specially adapted nuclear missiles at Magneto's base.

Meanwhile, in things that actually matter, Astra from the Pastra continues unlocking Joseph's memories, as he kicked Magneto's ass all over Central America until Magnus got a lucky shot in, leaving Joseph a confused amnesiac.

From there, you know the story: nuns, orphans, Rogue, redemption, all that claptrap.

And in the great white north, the X-Men duck and cover from the nuclear blast that threatens to consume all.

Further Thoughts:

Nicieza and Davis make game attempts to spruce up what could be a very utilitarian bit of comics -- it is necessary to settle the matter of Joseph's origin, a long-lingering mystery in the X-Men comics, now. However, to do so we have to introduce a heretofore unheard-of all-knowing all-powerful character who, when she's not speaking riddles and name-dropping obscure corners of the universe she's visited, is making pithy asides. The amount of extraneous quippiness coming out of Astra's mouth is a bit excessive and serve to make the character quite grating as she chews the scenery out from any other established characters, but if it weren't for that, all her dialogue would be revealed as functional and flavorless exposition. You've got to do something, so I applaud it.

The X-Men, too, are bit by the banter bug. Scripter Nicieza is determined to bring life to this otherwise rote bit of comics and to infuse the X-Men with character they've been sorely lacking for a while. There's probably a miss for every hit, but that at least means there are hits, including a corker of a line from Gambit about how much he loves trudging around in the snow, which Nicieza (always available on Bluesky when you tag him) confirmed was a jab at certain storylines he did not care for.