UNCANNY X-CERPTS: UNCANNY X-MEN #393: Like Lambs to the Slaughter (Eve of Destruction Part Three)

Jean Grey and her new team travel to Genosha to face down Magneto once and for all.

Originally Published June 2001

We begin in the not-so-distant past.

You may recall, a while ago, Magneto's mind was wiped clean in the wake of his whole deboning of Wolverine. He sat in a vegetative state, being spoon fed by his then-Acolyte Colossus, who had some ruminations about the course of events that led him there.

Piotr was having a crisis of faith -- not in Xavier's dream, but in his own ability to make a difference. And for some reason, that led him to quit the X-Men and join the Acolytes.

But there's a reason Erik is thinking of Colossus today, as he tells a captive Xavier. Colossus' sacrifice enabled Magneto to instantaneously build up an army capable of seizing the entire world.

Now, he stands on the brink of achieving domination, in a move some are calling "brutal," and "a betrayal of his own history" and "wildly out-of-pocket." But does Mighty Magneto have to listen to the bleating of sheeple?

And what's Amelia up to anyway?

Meanwhile, the Blackbird jet races toward Genosha at speeds of approximately mach 3.2. Although the craft belongs to the X-Men, we are informed that there is only one X-Man on board, Jean Grey. In the cockpit are interim members Northstar and Johanna "Frenzy" Cargill, who is absolutely definitely for sure here of her own free will.

Would a person who is being mind-controlled say something like that?

In the rear are the other provisional X-Men who absolutely are not X-Men despite what their belt buckles say: Hector "Wraith" Rendoza, whose translucent skin enables him to display his internal organs for both offensive and defensive purposes, Leyu "Sunpyre" Yoshida, Alyson "Dazzler" Blaire, and Paulie "Paulie Provenzano" Provenzano.

Jean rebuffs the sexual overtures of Invulnerable Goomba Provenzano by telepathically making herself look like a fat old lady, because even though we're on our way to a suicide mission that may determine the fate of the world, there's always time for some cringe-worthy Scott Lobdell attempts at comedy.

Since we're about ten minutes away from Genosha, Jean figures it's time to do some kind of training, which takes the form of a "mental danger room" inside Alyson's mind. There, they encounter her trauma, a Mojoworld that has been overrun by pint-sized versions of the Age of Apocalypse, who are just as dangerous as the original if not moreso because they missed naptime.

For those keeping score at home: Mojoworld and the X-Babies are good for satirical side-stories critiquing the industry and media, not so much as a heavy traumatic backstory.

Paulie, showing the kindheartedness and sensitivity that mafiosos are famous for, pledges that they, the X-Men, will help Dazzler process her feelings. Northstar reminds him that they're actually not the X-Men, but Paulie's belt buckle says otherwise.

Just then, Frenzy loses control of the Blackbird and it shatters in mid-air. That's another point in Paulie's favor -- you're not an X-Man until you've plummeted from an exploding aircraft.

Taint looking good for this crew!

They land smack dab in the center of Magda Square, right at the feet of Magneto.

As Wolverine and Cyclops rush to aid Jean's crew, Phoenix sees what has become of her mentor.

Turning off someone's mind? Who could imagine doing such a horrible thing??

Dazzler had had all she can stands, and can't stands no more. Using the din of the crowd to fuel herself, she unloads on Magneto with the power of a million exploding disco balls.