The X-Men come together to fight the Juggernaut!
Originally Published June 1987
We begin with a leisurely drive through the Land of Enchantment...
Alex Summers (Havok) and Lorna Dane (Polaris) are out among the mesas buttes various rock formations making a supply run when they are abruptly sideswiped by a speeding VW Bus oncoming. They tumble down the side of a cliff, just barely surviving intact thanks to the Jeep's roll bar and their seatbelts (so Buckle Up!)
Eventually, they right the car thanks to Polaris' magnetic powers and head back on their way, mindful of the mysterious hit and run that doesn't quite seem to have been an accident.
Meanwhile in Scotland, Dazzler finds herself between a rock and, um, well...
All right, well, I can see we're not ready to joke about this yet. When we left off, Dazzler had completely drained herself trying to singlehandedly combat the Juggernaut, collapsing into the Unstoppable villain's arms seemingly dead. Being a Dazzler superfan, he did the honorable thing and buried her beneath some rocks in an unmarked grave on the Scottish hillside.
It would seem to be a hopeless situation, given that Dazzler transmutes sound into solid light to fuel her photon blasts and she is miles from anything that makes any significant amount of noise. But, hark -- what is this? The sound of a small insect crawling on the soil?
And in the distance -- the familiar din of wind rushing through the meadow, and a babbling brook? Why, it's a veritable cacophony of Calm App Soundscapes!
Yes, somewhat improbably, Dazz finds herself getting ever more charged by the soothing sounds of nature. Running short on time, Psylocke psychically dials in, saying she is able to sense Dazzler's thoughts but not her location. Alison is able to muster up her last ounces of strength (that hopping field mouse really put her over the top) to send up a flare.
Soon, Alison is excavated, embarrassed at her behavior, but the new team hug it out as it finally dawns on them what all this "team work" claptrap that Banshee has been prattling about means.
Nevertheless, Ali's self-esteem is at an all time low and she's ready to hang it up and leave the X-Men. Rogue declares that a country crock -- why, when Rogue was a wee villainess, they two had fought to a standstill on multiple occasions! Maybe none of them are perfect, but as a team, they should be able to even each other out.
That said, the Juggernaut is still on the loose in scenic Edinburgh, so Rogue flies their Jeep over to meet him. Taunting him with fat jokes that really seem more like they're meant for the Blob - and aren't in good taste then either - Rogue winds up with all of her misbegotten Ms. Marvel powers and gives Juggernaut one good wallop.
The punch shatters windows all around, and Rogue herself is amazed at the power she's unleashed.
But uh...
Unshaken, Juggernaut retaliates with his own haymaker, sending Rogue flying far afield through some medieval structures.
Next up is Psylocke, whose big move is to drive into Juggernaut with a truck (or as they call it in the U.K., a fish n' chips.)
Psylocke claims that the files undersold exactly what a big threat he was, but come on. We just went through this. Do I have to keep tapping the sign that reads "UNSTOPPABLE"?
Betsy does have a little bit of luck with her telepathic attack, but that only serves to irritate the Jugs more, as does Longshot's gymnastic jackrabbit routine.
Juggernaut buries the neophyte X-Man under a building, but the Lucky Longshot manages to survive unscathed. The team regroups, realizing they've just been falling prey to their instincts to attack him one at a time. I seem to recall someone saying something recently about whether the X-Men were supposed to be a team or just a group of individuals doing whatever, but it's all a blur.
Composing themselves, they re-emerge with a plan that sees Rogue smooching Juggernaut so as to gain his strength long enough to pull off his iconic telepathically-resistant helmet.
She drops him on some train tracks, which unfortunately creates a crater, which is problematic when a train comes roaring through the nearby tunnel at that moment. Rogue deposits Longshot on one of the cars, hoping that his supernatural luck will save the passengers while she works to use her superhuman strength to stop it by hand.
Meanwhile, Dazzler - whom Juggernaut is relieved to see is not dead - and Psylocke team up to remove Juggernaut's other layer of protection and finish him off with a psychic whammy.
The X-Men celebrate their win, but not for long: as it turns out, Juggernaut's seemingly directionless rampage was all just a distraction so that his partner Black Tom could loot the Bank of Scotland.
 |
| *sad trombone.wav* |
Meanwhile, back in New Mexico, Alex and Lorna have tracked down the people they think were driving the VW Bus, only to find the campers to whom it belonged all murdered and the bus gone. But there's something worse at the campsite...
That's right, the Brood are back on Earth -- as if we didn't have enough to worry about!
Further Thoughts:
What else is there to say? As was patently obvious after last week's "You guys suck as a team" routine, the follow-up sees these new X-Men pulling together to nab their first big win as a group. Sometimes the most time-worn formulas are the most satisfying and you don't need to be tricky or subversive with it, beyond the cute punchline of missing the real crime being committed.
New soon-to-be regular artist Marc Silvestri plants his flag too, rendering it all in slick action-packed style that finds a middle ground between John Romita Jr. and Arthur Adams, grounded yet superheroic, along with some great cartoony flourishes.
This issue also sees a reintroduction of Havok and Polaris -- two long-sidelined mutant free agents who have never felt that adventuring is the life for them. It should be interesting to see them back in the mix after all this time, with so much having happened.
No comments:
Post a Comment