Thursday, May 11, 2023

UNCANNY X-MEN #294: Overture (X-Cutioner's Song Part 1)


Cable cuts the cord!


Originally Published November 1992

We begin with Warren looking pretty fly... for a white guy.


That's right, Warry-3 has a new look to match his new 'tude. No more sulking and pouting about how his skin is blue and his wings are metallic weapons of uncontrollable death. He's decided to choose life like George Michael and focus on the things that really matter, like his burgeoning relationship with Charlotte, his double-breasted suit, and his glorious blonde mullet.

The destination for these two lovebirds? VIP passes to the big Lila Cheney benefit concert Rock Against General Prejudice. 


Some of the X-Men are on hand, looking inconspicuous as always, to provide x-tra security since Professor Xavier will be the special guest speaker at this event, since there's nothing more exciting to 70,000 screaming rock fans than some touchy-feely bald guy coming onstage to preach and act as their conscience. But enough about Michael Stipe.


Unfortunately, all is not well, as some anti-mutant terrorists have found out about the Professor's surprise appearance and are determined to blow the stage up when the "mutant lover" makes his speech. Thankfully, they're thwarted by a familiar face -- Cable, the gun-toting, tooth-clenching leader of X-Force, who seems to have appeared out of nowhere -- but for a shocking reason: it seems he wants to be the one to ice the Professor!


Back in Westchester, Scott is waiting for his date with Jean -- being on two separate teams has put a kink in their relationship lately, but speaking of kink he can't quite get the image of a certain not-Asian-by-birth teammate out of his mind.


Jean arrives and, having been born at night but not last night, senses even without using her psychic powers that Scott has been lost in thoughts of purple-haired ninja babes.


While others watch the concert on television -- including the recently-formed new version of X-Factor that includes former Lila Cheney bodyguard Guido -- Jean and Scott continue their discussion, with Scott using the time-tested "It's my penis that likes her, not me" argument.


Jean is a little worried because of what recently happened between Storm and Forge. Because if a couple as rock-solid as two people who spent an undefined amount of time in an Edenic paradise can't make it work, what chance to they have?

But as they're about the kiss and make-up, they're attacked by a hater:


Yes, it's the newly roided-up servant of Apocalypse formerly known as Caliban, here to take up an entire page!

Hearing the commotion from across the street where they were doing some grocery shopping, Colossus and Iceman charge in, only to wind up tangling with Apocalypse's other Horsemen, Famine and War. 


Back at the concert, Professor Xavier delivers his speech about the brotherhood of mankind, to mixed response.

Play Freebird!

As the crowd starts to become riled up, a b-bram fires across the stage...


Professor Xavier has been hit!


Cable is not shy about taking credit, either, loudly proclaiming his deliberate and premeditated assault.

More importantly, back in Westchester, Caliban has some things he'd like to get off of his artificially-inflated chest. First of all, he's no longer Caliban, he's Death, so write that down. Secondly, he's no longer referring to himself in the third person. And thirdly, he is no longer friends with Scott and Jean. In fact he hates love, and people who love each other, and all that. The only thing he likes is Apocalypse!


Cyclops is confused -- he literally just killed Apocalypse, but Caliban doesn't seem to get the memo, nor did the other Horsepeople in his service fighting Iceman and Colossus outside right now. 

Famine's powers backfire when she tries to use her "make them weak" powers on Colossus, who does not require food when in armored form, so nyah. Piotr also manages to slug War one, having had enough of psychos who feel like they have the power over life and death, like his brother Mikhail.

It's not personal, I'm working through some stuff lately

While War wonders who this Mikhail person is, the pair are beamed away by their master. Unfortunately, it looks like Caliban also got away with Jean and Scott!

At the concert, Warren sheds his image-inducer-induced disguise and blues himself to attack the man responsible for his mentor's murder...

You ever get so mad you say someone's name in the form of a trademarkable logo?

But it's too late, as Cable is able to teleport out using his patent-pending bodyslide technology. The Professor is left in critical condition.


Down in New Mexico, the news footage of the concert makes its way to Cable's young charges in X-Force, who are currently living off the grid.


And they're more than a little shocked to see their leader accused of cold-blooded murder!

To be continued!

Further Thoughts:

It may have all the sound and fury of, well, a 1992 X-Men comic, but there are merits to this, the beginning of X-Cutioner's Song, the first major massive multi-player X-over since the new paradigm of the X-Men began. With an inciting event as major and dramatic as the public and brutal apparent assassination of Charles Xavier, you can see how the various X-groups -- specifically the X-Men, X-Force and X-Factor -- would be drawn together in both conflict and mutual need for resolution.

What is up with Cable here? That's a major source of intrigue. From all we've seen of him through the lens of the Uncanny X-Men, he's certainly a hardass take-no-prisoners kind of guy, but someone, we had thought, who fought for the right cause. Why would he want to kill Xavier? Why would he think that is "saving the future"? What is at play here? I, the reader in 1992, am intrigued, and am willing to buy 11 more comics to get the full story.


Central to the story is Xavier in his role as chief ally between humans and mutants -- the humans don't know he's a mutant, although some of them have their suspicions. Putting Xavier in that role is reviving something that had been hinted at, but never really explored, back in the 1980's, with the events leading up to his previous assassination attempt. This is always something that has sort of taken a backseat in the X-Men mythos but there's unexplored material to work with there and I actually don't mind Lobdell and Harras playing it up. Professor Xavier is one character who benefits from the approach of distilling the X-Men into archetypal versions of themselves.



1 comment:

  1. This was an actually decent beginning. I'm sure the whole story will go at a steady pace, and remain both compelling and coherent. I'm sure of it.

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