UNCANNY X-MEN #353: Blackbirds

It's no day at the beach for the X-Men when they get an unexpected visitor!

Originally Published March 1998

We begin in a puzzling, somewhat dreamlike scenario, as Rogue finds herself alone with a monochromatic Wolverine and strangely compelled to give him the ole "absorb your powers an' mem'ries" touch.

So she does, and they fight, with Wolverine at one point running her through with his claws.

But, she boasts, she's absorbed his healing power and won't be affected (she also wouldn't have been affected previously, due to having Carol Danvers' powers of invulnerability, but I guess that's the kind of obscure fact you remember when you've read 400 or so of these comics.)

They parry and thrust a while, before Logan gets the upper hand and Rogue begs for death, having lost control and needing to be put down.

Which is going to be tough, because of the healing powers and such

Hey, remember that time Rachel was having dreams about being stalked by Wolverine?

Indeed, this, like that issue, was all a crazy dream. What's not a dream is Storm standing over the snoozing Rogue, because she just happened to notice her friend was losing her shit, subconsciously speaking, and wanted to check in. Storm speculates whether it has something to do with absorbing Gambit's persona, but Rogue isn't so sure.

She does confess, however, that she never felt more alive than when she touched Gambit (read: was forced against her own will to.) And why wouldn't she feel that way? Touching people is awesome (when consensual.)

 

I know the feeling, I worked in an office for 8 years.

Storm shrugs, "Well, that's just one of those things you're going to have to process in your own way. Don't let it ruin our day of fun at the pond."

Yes, the X-Men are all geering up for a day of sun n fun. Rogue is like, "Isn't it Winter out?" But what she may not know -- but I do know because I've read like 400 of these comics -- is that Storm actually has the ability to manipulate the weather, so even if it's cold out she can make it like Summer. Just another one of those tidbits I've picked up from paying so much close attention. Rogue can be forgiven for not catching it.

Meanwhile, after the credits show up on page 9 of this 23-page comic, Warren and Betsy are having a talk about what direction Warren wants his life to take. Betsy is like "That's easy, you want to retire from the X-Men and shag your hot ninja girlfriend. That's the wisdom of the Crimson Dawn."

 

Then to prove her point, she jumps off the roof for him to save her. Warren's like "Girl, you're crazy, I'm gonna let you die next time," which is a totally appropriate way to respond when a loved one is clearly having a manic episode.

Elsewhere, the X-Men are getting ready for their pond party, and Jubilee's there, having come down from Generation X for some reason. Wolverine -- that is the real flesh and blood version -- is swanning around like a guy who didn't just get stabbed in the throat by Marrow, but he is still salty about the fight.

Rogue arrives in her traditional beach day cutoffs, but reminds everyone, particularly Wolverine (about whom she had the mutant superhero equivalent of a sex dream) not to touch her. Wolverine's like "Girl, don't treat me like I've got the plague." What Wolverine may not know, but I do because I've read 400-something X-Men comics, is that if Rogue makes skin-to-skin contact with another person, she absorbs their powers and memories. One day, perhaps, she will share this fact with the others.

As she goes off to talk to Joseph, Wolverine wonders what's going on with her, and Storm covers by insinuating she's just having a heavy period.

Wolverine is distracted -- or at least given an out from this uncomfortable conversation -- by using his super senses to note that there is an intruder on the grounds. He tracks them down to uncover the threat of...

Biannual? So if you filed it tomorrow, it would be right on time?

Margaret Stone from the board of education! That's right, it's a deadly showdown over accreditation, the one we've all been waiting for! 

Meanwhile in space, a smitten Deathbird watches over her comatose beau Bishop, who is having dreams where he blasts Cyclops into smithereens.

There's a lot of "attacking my friends" dreams going around.

Back at the mansion, Joseph watches a news broadcast of a representative from the Agee Institute, which claims it can countermand mutant genes and turns muties into normies. Joe's response is that if he were Magneto -- which he's not saying he is or anything, but if he were, he would destroy the Agee Institute.

So it's a good thing he's not.

(He's really not!)

 

Rogue has come by to talk. She recalls promising Joseph she would help him figure out who he is, and she thinks that maybe the way to do that is to... have a little, shall we say... touchy-time? 

Which I'm not really sure what that's supposed to do for Joseph. For his part, Joey thinks the idea is a little out-of-pocket and declines.

On her way out, Rogue runs into Logan and Margaret, who then check in on Joseph, who was all right ten seconds ago but chooses this moment to have an uncontrollable freakout.

To be fair, you can't choose when to have an episode

Margaret has seen enough -- there's no curriculum, no teachers, and no students at this supposed school, so it is being put on probation. Wolverine pleads with her to stay -- she hasn't even seen the room of deathtraps yet!

Rough week -- first Marrow, now this.

Back at the pond, well, Iceman's there so you know some forced fun is happening. Storm gets him back for his shenanigans by creating a thunderstorm over his head, and then he makes it weird by projecting his parental kink onto her.

Wolverine arrives, having followed after Ms. Stone but, as sixty-something school board administrators often are, she is a master of stealth and has escaped the combat-hardened Wolverine. He takes out some aggression on Iceman (who wouldn't?) before being interrupted when Marrow arrives to remind him she hates him and everyone else.

The assembled mutants realize Iceman has been cut -- not by Wolverine but by something that's under the surface of the pond -- and realize that Forge stashed the "original" Blackbird (or a different-looking plane purporting to be the Blackbird) there after building a new one back in X-Men #1.

You know the Blackbird is a real aircraft right? You can't just make up what it looks like.

This begs a lot of question, the most prominent of which for me is, couldn't Forge the master inventor think of anything better to do with most of an airplane than stick it under a body of water and not telling anyone?

Anyway, a little ways away, Wolverine's nap is interrupted when someone comes by to absorb his energy.

Was it Rogue, who has been acting really weird all day and seems like she might like to absorb someone's energy?

Nope! Sauron's back and he came for the buffet!

Meanwhile, in what this comic tries to pass off as an exciting cliffhanger, Scott and Jean arrive at their new Alaskan home -- which appears to be the same house he once shared with his former wife Madelyne?

 

Further Thoughts:

Hey, this was not good!

The best you could say about it is that I really enjoy Chris Bachalo's artwork, and he particularly gets to shine in the dream sequence, but, even leaving aside a few awkward fluns here and there, he is not really well-served by the shiny, gaudy, candy-coated colors provided by Steve Buccellato (whose work I always felt meshed very well with Joe Madureira, but can't help but make Bachalo feel like Joe Mad-lite.) Bachalo is an artist who returned to the X-Men numerous times over the course of his career, including a hot start on Generation X, but I believe his best work was way ahead of him.