X-MEN #73: The Elements Within Us

Sabra comes for Joseph!

Originally Published March 1998

We begin with Joseph, contemplating how nothing in his life makes any sense, while -- for reasons we'd probably best not investigate -- hovering creepily over Rogue while she sleeps.

Admittedly, she has been in bed for fifteen hours, which is mildly concerning, but if anyone's deserving of a nap, it's our Southern Belle and also that doesn't make it right to violate her privacy.

Downstairs, the rest of the X-Men are busy hanging wallpaper in a mid to refresh the recently stripped mansion and/or making it look like a carnival funhouse.

This affords us some opportunities for hilarious banter until Beast bounds in with a letter ostensibly written by the captive Professor Xavier, wishing them glad tidings and hoping things are going at least as well for them as they are for him.

I've never been one to nitpick of course, but Cecilia was a resident

Wolverine thinks the letter is a crock, of course, but Joseph thinks it represents hope, possibly because he hasn't been here very long.

Meanwhile down in Nevada, Senator Kelly demands that the now-defunct Operation Zero Tolerance frees Charles Xavier -- but if that's what he's after he should probably get on a bus because Charles has been held at the Hulkbuster base in New Mexico.

Elsewhere, we look in on Sebastian Shaw as he prepares his New Year's Eve party in Rio de Janiero,l. Elserwhere, Agents Mully and Sculder autopsy a body that has been killed by a mysterious thing that's killing mysteriously.

Back at the X-Mansion, Marrow steals a bunch of Cecilia's medical supplies for reasons unknown (including her old school black leather doctor's bag) and when the Doc gives chase, she runs into Beast and finds that, to her surprise, she can kinda-sorta, inadvertently, use her powers in an offensive way! Progress!

Hank, as the X-Men's de facto social chair, is putting up a list of New Year's Resolutions as a team-building exercise. He and Cecilia have a wager on if/when he can cure the Legacy Virus this year.

Meanwhile, Joseph and Maggott are heading off for a long overdue talk. 

I don't know, I think the guy behind the Brotherhood, the Mutates and the Acolytes knew a little bit about collaboration -- for all the good it did him...

Remember back in Antarctica, when Maggott claimed that Joseph was a friend? What was that about, and why has Maggott been ignoring Joseph ever since then?

But before this massive bombshell can be dropped, Joseph is attacked by a mysterious-- oh, why keep it a secret, Sabra has been skulking around and is on the cover.

The most famous Mossad agent in comics is here seeking geustice for Georg, the man Magneto killed in either Romania or the Czech Republic. FFS Joe, can you not even keep track of comics you yourself wrote??

Down in Rio, the Hellfire Party is going on, attended by such luminaries as Betsy Braddock, Warren Worthington, Tony Stark (??!) and Trevor Fitzroy, who at some point joined the Hellfire Club and embraced foppery.

Shaw has been receiving strange messages from some kind of mysterious Wraith, laden with Meso-American imagery that he finds very perturbing. So he agrees to ally with this strange force, knowing that whoever they are, they're the ones pulling the strings.

At the Mansion, Storm and Wolverine ponder resolutions as well as the recent happenings around Marrow. Wolverine, who shows absolutely no signs of being affected one way or the other by being stabbed in the throat yesterday, figures he did Marrow a solid by showing her what it really feels like to stare death in the face. (Marrow was once stabbed in the heart by Storm, presumably with the intent to kill.)

In Germany, a very important package is in transit to Storm, but it unfortunately has insufficient postage and is at risk of being sent back. Luckily, some African tribesmen are on hand to make sure it is delivered!

At the fight scene, Maggott sics Eany and Meany on Sabra, and because she's so cool and great or whatever she effortlessly swats them away, further establishing just what we're really meant to think of Maggott and his powers.

Sabs is just about to put the finishing touches on Joseph when Maggott reveals what the rest of us already know...

Back in Whatever State The Hulkbuster Base Is Supposed To Be In, Senator Kelly has some words about how America managed to claw its way back from the brink of fascism (hm, yeah, about that) before opening the door to Xavier's cell and discovering...

Thank God, we almost went two pages without a mysterious subplot.

Joseph awakens and Maggott lays out the struesbobness of it all. Yes, he did call Joseph "friend" when he thought he was the real Magneto, but then the real real Magneto (cosplaying as Eric the Red) showed up and Maggott was like "Oh, okay." That made it really awkward and he decided to keep his distance from the non-real Magneto, Joseph.

Joseph, if there's one thing we know about you, it's that you do not know you you are

After some back-and-forth, Joseph agrees to leave with Sabra to find the real Magneto and learn the truth of his origins. Though there is some concern about Maggott's loyalties since he's apparently pals with Magneto, the South African assures us that he is on the X-Men's side. Joseph asks him to bid Rogue a farewell and to assure her that his disappearance has nothing to do with her.

And so this Terrible Twosome takes flight, with Sabra making sure to demonstrate her awesome Mossad intelligence by calling Maggott by his real name, Japheth, as she leaves.

And as the ball drops on the New Year, Beast, watching the Dick Clark Rockin' New Year's Eve Special alone, is heartened that at least some of the X-Men have taken him up on his little resolution activity.

Further Thoughts:

It was Christmas Eve when the X-Men were hoisted into space by Gladiator, meaning it has been seemingly the busiest week in anyone's life since then. I can actually almost buy it given how short of a span of time Operation: Zero Tolerance and the Trial of Gambit occupied, but alas it still just seems to fall outside the realm of possibility. 

Similarly, over in Uncanny, Rogue has already left the X-Men after a rough parting with Joseph, who leaves here and wishes Rogue a farewell via Maggott, meaning thry both somehow managed to leave before the other. These X-Books are knotted up in awkward ways that Editorial should be on top of, but I'm getting the sense that there was some lack of care there: there's typos, factual inconsistencies, and frankly a lot of not-so-good writing that could have been hammered into shape with better oversight.

I respect the attempt to inject some heart -- alveit in a schmaltzy form -- but we still haven't gotten this "run" up and running, so as a reader, as much as it may be timely (remember, March cover date means Dec or Jan sales date) I'm not really in the mood, but probably at least marginally more interested in the jolt forward in Joseph's story than in watching the X-Men trade resolutions.

The mystery of Joseph would have been very compelling sometime ago, but he's been kicking around for nearly three years and has just about worn out his welcome, so addressing it now has a wheezing air of "finally" to it. I don't blame Joe Kelly for inheriting the character and his saga, but as a comic writer you often have to do your best with the material given, and knowing what he's capable of, I'm not sure this is thag.

Having Sabra around really does not make for an exciting double-act either -- politics aside she is not a compelling character; she is just there to physically best everyone and know everything (or claim to) without saying much. She's a narrative brick wall.

Despite game attempts to infuse the book with simmering subplots, both X-Men and Uncanny feel truly stuck in the mud right now. Even moments of legitimate forward momentum feel like a fruitless slog. I don't have any really positive memories of the X-Men -- or Marvel as a whole -- from 1997 until about 2001, aside from the comparatively revolutionary work being done on the Knights imprint, Kurt Busiek and George Perez's Avengers run.

All of which is to say that while I don't want to let Kelly (and Seagle) completely off the hook for 1998 X-Men comics being so notably bad, it's worth considering whether it was even possible, in that environment, to make comics that were good. Inspiration, quality control, momentum and relevance all feel like they are at an all-time low, any of which are necessary to make comics that people enjoy.