The X-Men struggle to keep it together
Originally Published September 1999
We begin with them comin'.
That's right, Little Nina is fearing for her life again, but from whom? Well, stay tuned, Nina-watchers. Like she said, they're comin(g).
More pressingly, we shift our focus to the X-Mansion, where an early morning pre-dawn alarm reveals what exactly each member of the team wears to sleep.
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| I would have bet good money Kurt slept naked. |
What is the source of this hubbub? Would you believe this is all just a test?
That's right, Charles has suddenly decided nobody is Ready Enough, so it's time to drill baby drill, and if you don't like it, there's the door.
Meanwhile, at that exact moment in deep space, Bishop and Deathbird have a course charted, looking to bring their Sam and Diane routine to Earth.
However, Deathbird's Mutant DNA alarm chimes and they find a bizarre planet that is made of fossilized mutant. (???)
Back on Earth, Xavier works the X-Men hard in the danger room.
It's a tough morning, and Charles has harsh words for everyone's performance but at least he doesn't hand out any demerits.
Charles also asks whether Storm has noticed any changes in Marrow's behavior since her exposure to the Shi'ar healing pod. Storm isn't entirely sure, apparently missing the fact that Sarah has become a giggly bubblehead.
Back at the safe house, they're still comin', and Nina is stressed about it.
Charles tries to train Marrow to re-integrate her bone growths into her body. She's never tried it before, but hey, there's a first time for everything.
It doesn't work, and causes intense pain, but hey, no intense pain, no intense gain.
Gambit comes to her defense and reminds Charles once again that these aren't wet-behind-the-ears kiddies he's training, they're battle-tested men and women. Xavier reiterates his offer to love it or leave it.
Charles continues his tongue-lashing, focusing his ire on Nightcrawler's tendency to improvise rather than stick to the playbook, apparently of the belief that in battle, nothing ever happens that can't be accounted for by the plays as written. He then demands Kitty come write a tutorial on how to fly the Skrull ship, which she does, but oops, it comes out in Skrull.
Charles rages on some more about how he's surrounded by idiots, finally dismissing them for the day.
Later that night, the team gather at Charles' study to confront him and ask WTF, but he only permits Storm to enter.
Waiting behind afterward, Kurt asks what it was all about, and Ororo won't say, but seems to believe they'll need some backup.
And finally, at long last, they finish coming for Nina. And who are they? Why they're these funny little freaks!
Betcha can't wait to learn more!
Further Thoughts:
I don't know who those guys are, but they are the most Alan Davis-looking mofos I've ever seen in my life. Whether that's a selling point may depend on your individual tastes.
Oftentimes in our task here, we talk about the virtues of the specific individual issue. There's not a lot of splashy action on the page here -- it's just Charles being more of a jerk than usual -- but the intense focus on that creates a lot of interest in why Charles is losing his mind this time.
Sure, we've heard that song before, but it's a tried and true X-Men story. Being completely honest, as clunky as this iteration is, the creators have done so much work setting it up and hammering away at it that I'm actually quite intrigued. It could represent the much-requested (by me) missing element to make the series interesting again, above and beyond simply having some fun, disconnected adventures -- the idea that there's some, you know, plot going on in these issues.
Whether it is actually a plot that will be any good and be well-executed remains to be seen.
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