The X-Men contemplate what's next
Originally Published April 2000
Cyclops is dead, to begin with.
Charles, gazing into a Shi'ar holo-empathic crystal that may contain the essence of the dead Scott Summers, is feeling feelings about the whole sum of the mutant experience right now and what it's all about.
But life must go on, and for Charles, that means taking the dozen or so mutant Skrulls that recently landed in his lap and blasting off into space with them to teach them to use their powers and to find some other world to protect that hates and fears them. Now there's a winning idea for a spinoff. You love Fiz, right? Imagine a whole team of Fizzes!
I mean, Apocalypse is still out there, plotting to use the combined power of himself and Cyclops and the Living Monolith to take over the world, but sure, go ahead and leave the planet.
Meanwhile, the X-Men find some time for their favourite pastime, baseball, which is admittedly always great to see.
Storm, however, is decidedly distracted at shortstop, lost in thought. She feels as though at any minute, some terrible thing might happen to upend their reverie and threaten their lives once more. Some terrible thing like, perhaps, Apocalypse, who is still out there and intending to use the combined powers of himself, Cyclops, and the Living Monolith to take over the world.
Nah, that's not it.
Over in Genosha (a small island north of Madagascar, as the narration curiously reminds us) Magneto is surveying his territory with his new Gal Faraday (little electromagetism humor there for you) Polaris. Seems that with all the factional violence that continues to rip the country apart, Magneto is only keeping it together by dint of his fearsome magnetic powers, and if people were to find out just how lacking he is lately, there would be trouble. Luckily, absolutely nothing on the horizon looks to be threatening that.
Meanwhile, Mystique is working on infiltrating the NSA to try to figure out who has been dropping the time on all her various identities.
Back in Genosha already -- which bugs me the same way that it does when shuffle plays the same artist too close together -- Fabian Cortez, the sometimes true-believer in Magneto and sometimes sleazy usurper, is in sleazy usurper mode, pointing out that he's the real power behind the throne. Magneto puts him in his place -- the real power behind the throne is the highly conflicted Lorna Dane, and don't you forget it!
Atop the snow capped mountains of what Marvel Fandom Wiki informs me is Alaska, Phoenix and Nate X-Man have a talk, woman-to-alternate reality-genetically-engineered-son. Jean does not blame Nate for Cyclops' death, but Scott did sacrifice himself for the kid, so he should probably live up to that.
At "A Hideout," the current iteration of the Brotherhood -- consisting of Blob, Toad, Mimic and Post, yes Post -- plot their next caper, an old-school heist that will undoubtedly make for some exciting comic book action.
Back on the shores of Genosha, Beast has arrived to do Clandestine and Ethically Questionable Science to the population, in the name of trying to discover a cure for the Legacy Virus. He is escorted by Iceman, because when you're thinking about which of the original five X-Men would best be equipped to help you traverse large expanses of sea, you think Iceman.
Back at the mansion, the X-Men are enjoying a nice post-baseball picnic when they are interrupted by who else but The High Evolutionary?
Hi Ev is fed up with mutant shit and has decided to do something about it -- namely cancelling all mutant powers. When they argue he can't just do that, he counters that in fact, he can. When they argue that this is a blunt, unfair and grossly unethical application of technology, a true violation of individual rights, he's like "Lol who cares."
 |
| I mean, we've spent the last thirty-five years depicting exactly why not, but go off |
With that, Marvel's third-most-interesting evil geneticist (and that's being generous) activates the de-mutifying field, treating us to a montage of famous flying mutants falling on their asses.
In Genosha, Magneto realizes the implications immediately. At the NSA, Mystique reverts to her normal self -- and then to an average-looking human.
At The "A Hideout," the Brotherhood -- including Mimic, who everyone always forgets is Not Actually A Mutant -- experiences de-powering, which goes roughly for Blob of course, but Toad gets the better of it.
 |
| Stupid sexy Toad |
Beast and Iceman, stranded in a cave below Genosha also ponder the situation, and back in New York it hits home as the narration exhumes a famous line from Claremont's "Lifedeath" to try to add some depth to this rather lesser story.
 |
| I don't know who's writing this script, but he's no Chris Claremont |
It's not said out loud or even speculated but presumably this means that Apocalypse is now powerless too? So that ends that problem? Right?
With that, the High Evolutionary is like "Okay, bye-bye," and leaves us on the edge of our seats for the next issue. Surely the X-Men's baseball games will be a lot less interesting!
Further Thoughts:
I can't get it confirmed anywhere but with Alan Davis only getting a "story" credit without a corresponding script credit, it's entirely possible this issue was ghost-scripted by Chris Claremont. It's a little ambiguous, but you know what, I'm going to let my riffs stand, let's just assume I'm right.
 |
| Whomst else could have written this? |
So, I think this is my new candidate for least favourite X-Men issue ever, although it remains a lot easier to reference the one where they fight birds. It would be generous to call this entire issue "set-up" because most of the first two thirds is setting up stuff that gets deliberately waylaid by the last bit. Sure most of it will be follows-up on, but it's a lot of effort to put into stuff for such an abrupt change in direction. Because it wasn't all that gripping to begin with, that makes it all the more taxing to have read.
 |
| Another blaze? You didn't even really finish putting out the last one! |
Leaving aside the out-of-nowhere shift in gears -- seriously, when was the last time the High Evolutionary had anything to do with the X-Men? (X-Men Annual #12 by my reckoning.) -- this premise is a ridiculous proposition. This is the first of several times mutants will face an existential threat to their powers. Like disbanding the X-Men, it's a tempting story premise that never works out well. Reason being, people who read X-Men generally enjoy stories about superpowered mutants. You can't do this for the long term because it's a betrayal of the premise. You can't do it in the short term because it feels like a cop=out to resolve something so major quickly. It's a lose-lose. It was one thing to have the X-Men have to make do without their powers in individual stories like Uncanny #150, but this setup is not the hype.
Oh well, it is what it is, let's just keep our heads down and move on through. We're just over one year away from something New.
No comments:
Post a Comment