X-MEN #80: Children of the Atom Part Two

The X-Men race to stop the launch of the Benassi Rocket, but how will they fare against -- the X-Men??!

Originally Published October 1998

We begin on the run as Kitty Pryde works to evade capture by the Unlicensed X-Men.

Now, you may be asking yourself, why doesn't the Grey King simply turn off her powers, which is known to be an ability he possesses? Well, this is never said in-text but, in the spirit of sportsmanship, Grey King has allowed her to have a little bit of mutant power, as a treat.

He said the thing! The thing that never gets said!

He calls upon his chosen pupils -- The Grey King, Rapture, Mercury, Crux, Chaos Xaos and Landslide -- to retrieve his former student, but alas they are not prepared for Kitty to do the thing she does and slip through the floor.

Now, you may be asking yourself, why not simply blast a hole in the floor, which is something they had done in the previous issue to capture Peter Corbeau, and the answer, while never stated in text, is that Professor X just had new laminate installed and they don't want to mess it up. That's it for questions, please hold all remaining inquiries until the end of class.

Down in the Florida Everglades, the Real X-Men -- you know, the ones from your childhood bedsheets -- are trying to get their bearings. But they also have a little time for interpersonal conflict, as Wolverine is still irked at Colossus for defecting to the Acolytes. You have to remember, we're in Marvel time -- for you and me that was four years ago, but for Wolverine it's only been like... two and a half months.

Things might be different if Colossus had amnesia, then he could be forgiven and welcomed into the fold -- you know, like Magneto.

Storm is able to diffuse the tensions momentarily as Colossus is glad to be reunited with what he calls his "little sister" -- which is an attempt to pay homage to the past, except it was always Storm calling Peter "Little Brother" (because despite being larger, he is younger than her.) So, um... good try, though.

Maybe he is amnesiac. And Storm, too.

Elsewhere in the swamp, Marrow saves Rogue from an Alligator -- the Grey King deactivated Rogue's powers, and also caused Marrow's breasts to balloon up three cup sizes.

At Cape Citadel, protesters continue to take a stand against the Benassi Rocket, while the top military brass growls that these hippies should be thankful they're launching a nuclear reactor into orbit in the name of protecting the good normal people of the U.S. of A.

In the sewer, Kitty encounters Peter Corbeau, who knows the secret of the Benassi Rocket and why "The Founder" (Ray Kroc?) wants it. 

He warns Kitty that the rocket needs to be disabled without being destroyed (again, it is a nuclear reactor) before Bad Xavier can get his hands on it. The Unverified X-Men close in, but Kitty gives them the slip -- and to answer your question earlier, Grey King has to be thiiiiis close to deactivate someone's powers, but in this case he could only get this close. So there!

Such language -- that's what they teach you in Excalibur?

Back in the swamp, Marrow convinces Colossus to help her remove some of her bad bones, while insinuating that his brother once gave her some good bones.

If ever there was a time to say "Bozhe moi!"

They also briefly reminisce about the time Colossus watched her get murdered by Storm. Ah, the salad days.

Taking stock, Rogue laments that she finally wants her powers, and suddenly they're gone. Just when she was starting to see the upside of being an invincible flying tank.

Wolverine starts to strategize, but Marrow points out that with two of the X-People depowered and one laid up on a stretcher, the group is not exactly in fighting shape. Wolvie is annoyed at this "Quittin' Talk," and Storm agrees, convincing them to pull together in the name of the X-Men.

Elsewhere, Kitty sneaks into a 24-hour copy place -- because back in the 90's we needed our collating needs met day and night -- to fire off a message to those real heroes in SHIELD.

At base, the Temu X-Men sulk about their failures -- with Landslide positing that if they fail they'll be "erased" -- but Bad Professor peps them up. He's intercepted Kitty's message, so no help is coming. They'll be free to wreck the Benassi Rocket and also kill whatever supposed X-Men oppose them.

Speaking of whom, the X-Men Classic begin to rally, to the tune of some Steve Seagle-style narration.

I think you can sing this over "Eye of the Tiger."

At the launch site, Kitty tries to hack into the system to learn more about the rocket, what it does and how to stop it, but she's interrupted by Landslide and Xaos. But that interruption is interrupted further...

As Grey King prepares to commandeer the rocket -- and Rapture fawns over him, prepared to give up her vows for some ginger spice (for that matter, Mercury does too) -- the two X-Teams collide.  

Kurt's first order of business always: acquire a sword

The heroes and villains smash into each other chaotically, as someone on the launch crew says screw it, send this effing thing up already.

But "Xavier" arrives to show the humans who's really in charge.

Charles then goes down to meet his former students, and explain that the Benassi rocket carries with it an engine of genocide that can be used to target any mutant anywhere with little civilian collateral damage. Come to think of it, that's a way better plan than just throwing Sentinels at them over again, which was the official Government move as of three weeks ago.

Anyway, Charles wants to stop this thing from being launched -- which is good -- and also bend it to his will, which is not.

The X-Men realize that this is slightly more megalomaniacal than Professor X typically sounds. Wolverine's super senses have also kicked in to confirm that this is not the real Professor X -- it's...

Whatever this is!

Grey King is able to crack into the hull and rip out the Mutant GPS locator. With the heist completed, Xavier launches that Benassi himself, but without any safety protocols protecting the populace from its terrifying nuclear payload.

Kitty phases the team under the tarmac for protection while Storm works to cool it off. They determine the only way to foil the scheme is to split up -- while the team dukes it out with the Impostor Syndrome X-Men, Rogue will use a combo platter of Nightcrawler and Colossus' powers as well as Wolverine's military knowledge to stop the thing.

The X-Mens duke it out, while Colossus and Wolverine patch things up to take down the Grey King and the satellite -- with a fastball special.

With the satellite destroyed, Electric Blue Xavier is cornered, but rather than reveal who he is or what's the deal with his X-Men, he "aborts program" and zips away.

With that, the X-Men shrug that these mysteries will have to be solved another day, and fly home in a stolen stealth bomber, while listening to radio reports that blame the attack on them, thus assuring another seven years of bad P.R. for mutants.

The U.S. Government re-affirms its commitment to persecution (what else is new) while Paula Reinman openly questions whether the X-Men are the true bad guys.

At the rendezvous point, the Unsavory X-Men await judgment from their founder, who offers them a tough but fair reprimand...

By absorbing them back into himself and revealing his true nature...

As Cerebro gone bad!

To be... if not continued per se, likely picked back up later!

Further Thoughts:

Like X-Men #1 back in the day, this issue contains a few pinups, including ones from John Byrne and Paul Smith, as well as a "vision of things to come" -- namely the X-Men set against a backdrop of a snow-covered Statue of Liberty and Great Pyramids (??) while Magneto and Joseph snarl at each other above. Don't miss it! It's all definitely going to happen!

Although I still think the X-Men comics of 1998 are lacking something to get them to the next level -- technique, execution, oversight, whatever it may be -- this excursion was enough of a winner to satisfy me. I did not love the Bad X-Men for their own sake, but I guess in the end, they were... constructs, extensions of Cerebro itself? Remixing data about known mutants to create these wacky mashups? I don't know how exactly Cerebro had the power to do that but nevermind because it's done. Although it seems particularly cruel to allow Rapture and Grey King to fall in love during their brief existence only to undo them.

Talk about a Claremont Tribute, we've got two "Body and Souls" in this one!

I actually liked the reveal that this "Xavier" was just a reprogrammed Cerebro, warped -- somehow -- through Bastion's tinkering, molding the programming in his own image, like some kind of master. Makes you think. We never did find out what his true nature was.

It was a good effort, a fitting tribute to the X-Men's history, and a fine way to set the table for a new status quo -- a really real for reals one that we will actually stick to for a while, we promise. They didn't go to the trouble of bringing Kitty, Kurt and Peter back just to double back immediately, I feel satisfied. Plus, the mutants are on the backfoot once again in the public eye -- as if they ever weren't. 

I never thought I'd be excited to see Brandon Peterson again, bringing a little slice of the early 90's here. The art lately has been fine -- we all know I'm a big Chris Bachalo mark but here in X-Men, Carlos Pacheco, who came in with much hype, never excited me. German Garcia has been a steady hand at the wheel and at times I've even admired his work, but Peterson brings that classic Big Time Comics feel back from the early 90's -- sexy, shiny heroes lunging at each other in xaotic tableaus. He's was never as exciting and inventive as Kubert or Romita but he knows the craft well enough and it invigorates the story in a way any of the other recent artists -- including Bachalo -- wouldn't have. The Liquid! colors actually look good on his work, which is not something I say often. This was a one-off, but there's an even bigger return in the offing.