They're all new! They're all different! But are they the X-Men??
Originally Published October 1998
We begin on a very special day.
Yes, it was here at Cape Citadel thirty-five several many years ago to the day that the world first learned of the existence of mutants, both the good kind and bad when Magneto (bad) was stopped in his efforts to hijack a nuclear missile by the X-Men (maybe good, sometimes, we think?)
In the few short years since then, a lot has happened (to say the least), as the launch site will now be used for a new rocket called the Benassi Rocket, whose payload is a closely guarded secret. Its launch is being met with protesters not because they suspect the rocket's payload is nefarious in any way, but because it is powered by a nuclear propulsion system that threatens to be a possible new Challenger disaster.
Meanwhile, a mysterious figure recruits a variety of mutants -- telepath Addison Falk, autistic man Dan Dash, an Arab mercenary called Mercury, a flying nun named Sister Joy, an elementally-empowered figure skater named Cristal Lemieux, and a temperamental BBQ enthusiast who identifies himself as Lee Broder, then informs us that nobody calls him Lee Broder, instead going by Landslide.
But who is this enigmatic figure and what group could they possible be inducted into? The Brotherhood? The Acolytes? The Nasty Boys?
What about...
That's right, this motley crue will be joining forces as the new iteration of the X-Men! About time, it's been weeks since there have been any new X-Men.
And speaking of being All-New and All-Different, veteran X-People and former members of Excalibur Nightcrawler, Shadowcat and Colossus are aboard a cruise bound for the states, enjoying some sun and fun in the famously balmy waters of the North Atlantic.
The ship is attacked by none other than the very group we've just seen assembled -- The X-Men!
That's right -- they are the Grey King, Crux, Landslide, Chaos, Mercury and Rapture, names to know for sure.
The erstwhile Excalabrians are a little confused at this development -- they know the X-Men, they've served with the X-Men, and these are not the X-Men (where's Maggott?) But they have precious little time to ask questions as the heavies tear their way through the ship.
Their objective is to kidnap Kitty, which they succeed in doing when the Grey King turns off her phasing ability with his as-yet-undefined psychic abilities.
Meanwhile, another group with a claim to being "the X-Men" -- Marrow, Rogue, Storm and Wolverine -- are looking for their old pal Peter Corbeau, who has something to do with the Benassi Rocket, but has gone underground...
...literally, as it seems he has been kidnapped from the pentagon through a big hole in the floor, possibly by these new "X-Men."
Not far from Cape Citadel, Kitty is held by her captors. She questions their credibility as so-called X-Men, but the Grey King is happy to provide bona fides.
It isn't long before she's brought face-to-face with the man himself...
In Washington DC, the X-Men meet with Val Cooper, who informs the team that Xavier has gone missing from his cell, but more importantly, they need to figure out what's in the Benassi Rocket, which is what Corbeau was trying to warn them about. She also expressed skepticism that four X-Men can mount a full-on assault on the government, but Wolverine shrugs that this is all the X-Men they've got (Maggott, Cannonball and Dr. Cecilia Reyes having all fallen into a well since the previous issue of X-Men.)
Kitty is overjoyed to be reunited with the Professor (having long since forgiven him for being a JERK) but the reception is a little icy. A little cold. A bit detached. Somewhat robotic, you might say.
Charles explains that during his time in captivity, he was taken by Bastion and "altered." Now, only Kitty can save him.
Kitty isn't sure what she's supposed to do -- she's not a Doctor, after all. But you know who is a Doctor? Dr. Cecilia Reyes, who escaped from the well she had fallen into and has been watching over the mansion, where Kurt and Piotr have arrived looking for assistance.
So apparently, sometime since her last appearance when she learned an important lesson how to fight as part of a team, she's quit being a superhero altogether and opened a practice in town so she can stay close by. Wow, great run, so glad this character was introduced and we spent literal entire issues getting to know her and understand why she had to be part of the X-Men.
Anyway, "the X-Men" (whomever they may be at this point) aren't here, but what is here is the "Blackbird" they pulled out of the lake, and as long as Kurt can get it running they can go rendezvous with the rest of the team.
As the X-Men race to Cape Citadel in a loaner jet that Val Cooper was able to procure, Dr. Eric Koppisch, a spokesman for the Benassi Rocket addresses protesters who are concerned that the craft's nuclear engine might explode on takeoff, creating another Challenger disaster but 100x worse.
But before he can fully reassure the crowd, he's interrupted.
Don't worry, Koppisch fans! He's not really dead. It was a false flag operation to distract people from the fact that the Benassi Rocket's purpose is to track and eliminate mutant threats. It's basically the SHIELD/Hydra scheme from Captain America: The Winter Soldier, but with mutants.
At his secret definitely-not-a-villain base, Charles explains to Kitty that Bastion hooked his brain up to a computer virus that will destroy him, and Kitty must use her super hacker powers to stop it.
With her purpose fulfilled, Charles has Kitty placed in storage next to Corbeau. So much for hospitality!
In the skies above, the new X-Men intercept the old X-Men, destroying their ride in a tribute to the Good Ole Days.
They have a battle in the sky -- which some of the classic X-Men are ill-equipped for. (The Newbies can all walk on air thanks to the still-nebulous and unspecified psychic powers of the Grey King.)
Fortunately, assistance arrives in the form of Colossus and Nightcrawler, who got the Blackbird up and running with a Fonzarelli punch.
The reunion is short-lived, however, as Mercury has a jet of his own.
Further Thoughts:
Admittedly, 35 Years is a pretty arbitrary anniversary to mark, but it's divisible by five, so we're doing if. We just got the landmark 75th issue of X-Men, and not long before that was the landmark 350th issue of Uncanny. So maybe it feels like we've really flogged this horse badly, but of the three this is certainly the one that feels most concerned with the past, being set at Cape Citadel like the famous first issue of X-Men, feigning that there is a "new" team of X-Men gathered by Charles himself, and of course bringing popular veteran X-Men Nightcrawler, Shadowcat and Colossus back into the fold, even though they're more associated with the series' All New All Difference renaissance from some years in. Likewise, the sequence of the Evil X-Men being recruited uses Giant-Size X-Men #1 more as a reference point than anything from the original run.
Which is the problem, to me, of celebrating 35 years of X-Men, since the first 12 or so are not really worth noting, especially since not a single one of the original five X-Men are present. But Kurt, Kitty and Piotr are certainly a huge part of that 35-year legacy, for their part, so I'm willing to accept it as a momentous reunion without much fuss.
It's somewhat of an abrupt change of pace. I don't know whether this was Seagle and Kelly's doing, saying "we want these faves from our childhood back" or an editorial mandate, that with Excalibur ending we needed to get this trio back on the team. Aside from allusions to the missing Xavier that had been peppered throughout recent issues, it almost comes across as a soft reboot of the recent status quo. Suddenly, Maggott, Cannonball and Cecilia are not among the X-Men, after so much attention was given to the latter two (nobody ever seemed to know what to do with Cannonball as an X-Man, except for that one great issue.) That's kind of annoying, but if we can pick a direction and stick with it, I'm happy with whomever actually ends up on the team, especially since we all know I wasn't exactly the biggest booster of Reyes and Japheth.
One of the subtle virtues of the Claremont Run, especially in its later stages, was that you could always count on some crew of nutty baddies to crop up with memorable names and flashy powers to menace the heroes. It's something that went out of vogue in the 90s and I have no idea why. These Evil X-Men are a return to that in a major way.
They're designed to be takeoffs on more popular, established characters -- "Grey King" is a male Phoenix (get it? Grey?), Chaos is Havok with fire, Rapture is an angelic Mystique, and on and on. It's something that makes them memorable, but for the wrong reason -- When I look at Landslide, I can't help but think, "Hey, that's Sabretooth." The remixes should have probably taken the characters a little further from their influences until you wound up with something that could be said to be wholly original. As it is, it makes the characters feel a little off-putting, uncanny-valleyish, and one-dimensional, like they were designed to be fakers in-universe.
But whatever. Aside from some really clunky exposition and plot development that leaves me a little confused who is after what and why with this Benassi Rocket and how Corbeau figures in, the story is off to a good start. Bad X-Men and Bad Xavier is far from the most original premise, having been done numerous times over the years (including as recently as 1996's Onslaught, which got a reference) but I'm on board because it is a story, something big and splashy the likes of which the X-Men should be doing rather than spinning their wheels setting up things that never pay off.
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